well, the next day, husband called to "work things out" - I told him that the only way to work things out was to address my issue - not his. To my surprise, he asked and after listening, admitted he was wrong and wanted to do better by me.
He not only admitted he was wrong this time, but agreed that while we both had been through a lot in the R b/c of his drinking - he finally understood the difference between his behavior and mine. I wasn't perfect but I was reacting normally to an abnormal situation. He on the other hand was reacting abnormally to normal situations.
Since then things have been good! He is aware of the three week monster and is prepared to deal with it. I have to say that I have been through a lot with his "recovery" not going so well - but this time - I noticed that his poster is different and his facial expression (at rest) is different. He is even holding me now instead of the opposite. He took back everything he said about the house and he has been helping me to fix things up.
About the lack of change I mentioned before - there is a huge difference w/o the alcohol - and now each time we take a break - he makes more of a lasting change (baby steps) so he really is much different than the person I lived with before. I also know that he has other problems that are at the root of his behavior. He is aware of it and working on it as we speak. One of the problems he has had to face is that everyone in his life enabled him except me - which makes me the good guy and the bad guy at the same time for him. He has been rescued his whole life until I came along and said he had to grow up. So, he has a lot to do but this was something that took him awhile to realize was affecting his view of me. No one ever asked anything of him or gave him any responsibility with the exception of advanced schooling.
So, while I wait to see how the next cycle goes - I feel more confident that he is changing - and that if it doesn't work out for any reason I have options and I am ok.
