He wants me to agree to share house forever

[TrentC]

We had our first councilling session on Friday, after he told me he was done working on the relationship, and that he would never be "emotionally or physically" intimate with me ever again. Ostensibly, we are in councilling to negotiate our co-parenting as we move forward. I have repeatedly made it clear that I am willing to work on the relationship

Good. Now stop it; he knows how you feel. No more R conversation unless he brings it up.

He wants me to agree to live in the same house with him, and accept that the marriage is over. He tells me that if I don't agree to this arrangement then I have to "take responsibility for breaking up the family".

I can think of two words; Bull And Sh!t. Did he actually have the gall to propose this in front of a counselor? And you are actually giving this serious thought?

So you are supposed to live with him indefinitely without being married, or having any chance or starting a new relationship -- and if you don't agree you are the one at fault?

No. Hell, NO. I can't believe that you even have to think about it.

Your response should be:

"This proposal is completely disrespectful of me as a person. YOU are the one who says he is no longer in love with me. YOU are the one who says that he doesn't want to be married any more.

I cannot believe that you have the nerve to propose such an obviously one-sided "deal" and try to make me feel bad if I don't accept it.

So here is my counter-offer: you find yourself a new place to live while I file the paperwork for a divorce. Any further conversation about this will be handled through my attorney."

He has zero respect for you right now, if he thinks he can propose that arrangement and get away with it. Your job right now is to show him that you will not be pushed around anymore.

He admits that he often makes promises and commitments when he doesn't really mean it.

Because he doesn't respect you.

He also admits that he hasn't asked me for what he needs. He asked me for space six months ago, now he is telling me that he resents the fact that I go out more than he does. He proposed that we not eat dinner together as a family anymore, and then said in councilling that he resented it when I agreed to that proposal without a fight.

Again, because he doesn't respect you and is "gaslighting" -- trying to make you feel as if you are the one to blame for everything.

Why would you agree to these kinds of arrangements with no discussion? To avoid making him angry at you? Well, look where that has gotten you; time for a change.

I really don't know how to proceed here. I do NOT want to agree to this co-living plan if he doesn't want to sort out the problems in our marriage and with our communication. I DO want to divorce bust, if possible, but how can I best do that?

By scrubbing "WIPE FEET HERE" off of your forehead and standing up for yourself. If you don't do it now, then you'll find yourself in the same place all over again -- whether it's in this relationship or the next.