He wants to come home....HELP!

[Coach]

"You are saying all of the things I should be thinking....but I could never get there."

That's because he doesn't have the secret DB decoder glasses. MWAA - HAH- HAH

You want him thinking. Let him come to you next. Keep your boundaries strong. Thoughts proceed emotion, emotion proceeds action (TEA).

You are handling it.


Coach

[motherof3]

PIGA,

I am so proud of you. Stay strong.

[praying_in_GA]

Ok guys, I have been reading ahead and preparing for his 'homecoming'. How should we interact as a couple once he is here? How should I act as a wife? Should I act 'as if' things are great in the marriage and show him what life would be like if he stayed? Should I show him the strides I have taken to correct his reasons for leaving? OR should I continue the GAL and 180s by not contacting him unless it is urgent, not involving him in my plans, and basically cohabitating?

I know I will continue the GAL by going out and being as attractive as possible (both physically and emotionally). Am I to allow him to initiate any physical contact? (Seems to me yes) one of my goals is that he will say he loves me again. I know this is a long range goal and I a prepared to wait for it.

Anyway, if there is anything else. I need to know to prepare please let me know.

[praying_in_GA]

Ok, so I asked him today if he wants to come back to work on the marriage. All he could say was that he was willing to work on the marriage.

I think, basically, he found out that he was not happier away from us and wants to give this the chance he should have given it before he left.

[praying_in_GA]

One more thing....should I ask him to wear his wedding band again or should I let that drop for now? I kinda want to put mine back on, but I don't want to push him too fast.

[Gardener]

piGA,

One more thing....should I ask him to wear his wedding band again or should I let that drop for now? I kinda want to put mine back on, but I don't want to push him too fast.

I wouldn't go there.
Besides, wouldn't you rather notice at some point if he decided to put it back on himself?

On or off is a personal decision. If you want to put yours back on, do so. He'll notice. What he thinks when he notices is unknowable and uncontrollable on your part.

My take.

[4luv]

i just posted a new thread with this question based on something that puppy mentioned in this thread:

Why is a mistake to leave the marital home? i am thinking of doing this because of all the tension and pressure at the house and thinking that time apart will help me and hubby be able to think clearly. It seems as though most of the people that have DB successfully did after the spouse decided to leave and had some time to think...piGA is another example that is starting to have good results after a seperation.

[praying_in_GA]

Gardner- that is very true. I would be over the moon if he came home with it on again. I am a little worried about putting mine back on. I don't want to give him the wrong impression. I don't know how to explain it. I am trying to give off the appearance of wanting it to work but not really needing it either way.

4luv- I agree that if he hadn't left things wouldn't have changed. The time away is what made him want to try and make this work. I would still be very hesitant to be the one to leave. From a power standpoint and a legal standpoint, that is just not a good idea.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

i just posted a new thread with this question based on something that puppy mentioned in this thread:

Why is a mistake to leave the marital home? i am thinking of doing this because of all the tension and pressure at the house and thinking that time apart will help me and hubby be able to think clearly. It seems as though most of the people that have DB successfully did after the spouse decided to leave and had some time to think...piGA is another example that is starting to have good results after a seperation.

I'm not saying that being apart might not be helpful. I'm saying that the LBS/BS should never be the one to leave. Unless there is physical or emotional abuse going on, or a marital environment that is SO toxic that it's causing undue trauma on the children, it is the PERSON WHO WANTS TO LEAVE THE MARRIAGE THAT SHOULD LEAVE THE MARITAL HOME.

Of all the controversial topics around here (exposure, "snooping," etc.), this is just about the ONE topic that gets near-100% consensus from everyone.

Being separated also gives you far less opportunities to live out your positive changes that you'd like the wayward/walkaway spouse to see.

Puppy

[Puppy Dog Tails]

From a power standpoint and a legal standpoint, that is just not a good idea.

CORRECT. Legally, it can be considered "abandonment" in many instances.

Puppy