You exhibited pass-agressive behavior by moving the stuff in the drawer while she was there. And again when you admit you doing things to get a reaction, instead of saying what is on your mind you do something childish and to punish her.
Your wife tells you what she is thinking and you wonder "I wish I knew what she is thinking." Has she ever told you she feels "invisible" or "unheard."
You did so-so on the boundaries, you basically told her what she was allowed to do. Not how to present bundaries.
I don't think you can handle a vacation together.
Coach it's a drawer, not a savings account. She emptied it, if he had a legitimate use for it in his own home which she is leaving of her own free will, I'm assuming he's allowed to use it. Based on the entire thread I get the idea that indy/BTM is always questioning what to do around her, should i/shouldn't i, he needs to just start doing instead of worrying about her reaction and always second guessing himself - he'll never gain confidence in his actions if he always has to consider every ramification for whatever he does - when he's around her it seems he worries at every moment that if he does something it make the air move in that specific room. In fact that is part of all of this issue, he holds back fearing her reaction and she knows this, she knows it too well. She's been in control of this relationship for far too long and she doesn't respect him at all. She tells him no sex so the man is naturally starved for sex but she sleeps in the same bed with him naked, I'm sure after she showers she walks around naked in front of him because she knows she looks good and she knows he wants her, she enjoys that control/power and she continues to do it, "look what I have that you can't have anymore", she plans to leave him, she has a new place to live which she wanted to keep secret because she didn't want him there anymore but she still planned on coming to their current home whenever she wanted, her message: I want and will have my privacy so I can do what I want and have space from you and probably seek out male companionship in some form or another without you being around to bother me about it but you aren't entitled to your privacy Indy, I'll come & go whenever I want to check up on you to make sure my good little boy is in his place where I want him to be. She plans to separate from him but she wants to leave him with a little bit of hope to make sure the control is still in place, "just because I'm moving out doesn't mean the marriage is over", well pray tell what does separation mean if it's not a prelude to divorce? I want my space from you, I want my privacy from you, I want to get used to the single life without you and enjoy everything that it offers.
Throughout all of this, she's been sending messages to him, both verbal and non-verbal: I'm in control indy and you aren't, this is all my decision indy and you have no control of this.
When he stops playing by her game book and starts charting his own course, she then notices that he's veering off the allowed predetermined route that she has set up for him. Isn't this part of cognitive dissonance: she has one idea, one plan and she's been holding on to this for so long that it's second nature to her, he now veers off this course, starts showing some thought that doesn't take into account caring about her reaction and it throws her for a loop as in:
"This isn't how I pictured this would go, he was supposed to be home alone after I leave and wallow in self-pity and i'll use him in this state to heal emotionally while he's hurting and this will bump up my self-confidence even more and I'll continue to lose respect for him more & more each & every day because he's still attached to me while i'm detaching from him. Why is he acting like this, why is this working out for him now? He's not sad or angry, he seems content, like this is working out for him now and that's not how i planned any of this to work out - this isn't right?!"
