I am in the hotel business center winding up my first ever "girls' weekend" adventure. So not time to answer all your ??s.
I will say, I filed for D, not separation. We are already separated after all! I wasn't willing to drag it out with incremental steps. His affair and moving out (twice!) pretty much WAS him ending our M...
That is why I filed. I finally accepted the fact that he had ended our marriage by repeatedly sleeping with another woman for 2 1/2 years. That is not an "oops!" like a one-night stand or something. That is calculated and delilberate.
Every time he was alone with her it was a conscious decision to betray me, our marriage, and our family.
I mean, maybe at first it was an inappropriate friendship that turned into a PA, but once it happened, it happened. And to continue with it through separating, reuniting, and separating again?? That is not the actions of a man who loves his wife, even if he says he will always love me.
How did I get where I am now?
1)My pastor's guidance
2)My faith in God
3)Cymbalta I am sure it has helped some with overthinking everything. My neurologist gave it to me for occipital neuralgia (shooting head pains I was having), but it is also an anti-anxiety medication
4)My original personality is one of playfullness and optimism and I was really missing it...
5)Time--I repeat it a lot, but it is true. You are only ready when you are ready. I guess one day I woke up ready
6)Facebook--silly, maybe! But reconnecting the past few months with friends from college (male and female) reminded me that BBJ was a fun, happy girl with a ton of friends. And I kissed a lot of boys in college. Reminded me that I am desirable!
7)Match.com--still have only had one date and there are some frightening prospects on there! But just browsing, and getting emails and 'winks', is another PMA booster. That a lot of 'nice' guys would consider me a great catch!
8)DB--the support I have had here is indescribable. I have known about a dozen of these people for 2 years now! To have people 'get' what you are experiencing is so wonderful
OK gotta go now, people are waiting for computers! I will re-read and post more later.
