Sad To Be Back 4 Years After The Bust

[Gnosis]

Honestly, it's a awesome and a little scary. I know it's supposed to be counter intuitive and I know it's supposed to work.

It IS counter intuitive and is DOES work.

A couple of times she mentioned what is good for the kids and said I was being selfish. I know the kids will be fine. They are 18 and 16 and she can still see them as much as she likes. We just won't be playing family.

Excellent! Keep this frame of mind.

I said "I want nothing to do with your non family home". That one really hit home and she said it was mean. I apologized and said I didn't intend to be mean (but I did intend to get her attention).

Good job (incl. apologizing)

At one point today, when she questioned my comments I said "I have nothing to lose" and she responded with "you have have everything to lose". Nice threat.

That's the attitude to have. Congratulations on seeing it for what it was.

During that conversation this morning, she again alluded to the fact that to her moving out doesn't mean the marriage is over. Maybe I should not have said the following, but I did. I said "if I knew that you wanted to work towards reconciliation, it would be different for me - but you won't be clear about it".

OK job. You're showing a bit of wavering there that you are still available. Strengthen this boundary. In Future's post I wrote the following:

W, I'd like to make myself very clear one point in this process. In my eyes separation is the equivalent of divorce. For me there is no difference. The minute these papers are signed we are DONE... FOR GOOD. I do not consider you a friend. There will be no friendship. You are the remnants of a distasteful business transaction to me. I will not be there for you and do not want to know you. For the kids sake and with their best interests in mind I will treat you with the same politeness and courtesy I reserve for a stranger. Good luck to you.

Take this and rework it to your situation.

I would love a barrage of tests on my boundaries. That would mean she is the pursuer.

Oh they're coming... The problem is most of the time we don't realize that they were tests until after they happened.

The hardest part for me between now and moving day will be to not bring up the R in any way. That is my major weak spot. I always want to temperature check.

You know your weaknesses. Take the appropriate measures. Avoid being alone with her. Go out. I don't remember how your GAL stuff is going, but it's time to turn it up a notch or fake it.

Leave the house dressed to the nine's. Get new outfits... ask the chick's at the clothing stores to help you pick them out. New haircut, clean shaven, smart clothing. Strut your stuff. Come home LATE... and don't call to say you're going to be late. If you don't have anyone to go out with go to a coffee shop and take a book with you... stay there and read it. Don't come home drunk, but by a quart of Jack Daniels. Before you walk into the door take a swig. Flop into bed... and make sure she gets the whiff of alcohol on your breath.

I finally made clear comments on all that really needs to be discussed, now I need to SHUT UP.

YES.

Folks...support me like never before this coming week and do not let me backslide.

I'm not Puppy/Robx/Coach but I'll be here for as long as you carry on being a man. Prepare yourself for a few 2x4's.

So.... here's an idea for you... while you wait for the big guns to show up. Go through their posts and make notes on what they have said to others. Write them down and run through the scenarios in your head. This way when the situation arises you are better PREPARED.

Overall, good job.