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W told me this morning that she did see a lawyer, and she'll decide what she's gonna do over the thanksgiving break.
You need to see your L too, and make some decisions as well.


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She's not happy I separated our finances.
To me, that's a good sign that you did the right thing. If she didn't have plans to raid your finances, it wouldn't bother her. She proved she was untrustworthy already by stealing from you this week. You have nothing to explain or defend about this; it was the right thing to do for you and your family.


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She canceled her IC with MC on Monday, and said we should schedule a meeting with MC together (presumably to work out D) when she gets back from trip. I said "I'll have to think about that".
I would clarify that. If the MC is to work on your marriage, which is what that's usually intended for, then go. If it's to work on D, then I wouldn't bother.


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Then I allowed it to turn into an R talk; I should have just walked away!
Right, walk away!



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This sucks. She says she's really really angry that I'm been making these changes in myself these past four weeks. She's never wanted to be married all these years, and never brought up any concerns because it would just lead to this. This is script, right?
Completely script.

In my opinion, it's time for you to get tough. Consult with your L first, but I would def. discuss your wife's BPD & current active alcoholism. I've been reading the nolo guide to divorce this week, and just yesterday read about that. They suggest that if you have a current substance abuse problem most likely you, not your W, will receive primary custody of your children. Your W will have limited visitation, most likely have to be supervised visitation, and if they use drugs or alcohol in the children's presence, visitation may be discontinued.

I do not think your W is aware of how D will affect her life. I'm betting that she didn't even mention her drinking problems and unmedicated BPD condition to her L.

My opinion is this is far from over. Getting tough with your W may be the best thing for her at this point. Facing reality and consequences and all that. I would talk to your L about what you can do about getting primary custody and all the other recommended limited, supervised visitation for your W. I honestly think that will be the best at this point for you and your children.

If at some point your W is willing and receives treatment for her BPD and alcoholism; then you can work on reconciling at that point if you're interested. At this point, I would focus on your children though.




Last edited by karen43; 11/22/09 04:54 PM.

Me 53
D18, S24