Yep, the resentment comes from not being genuine. The Nice Guy appeases others to the detriment of himsef. So what's the moral of the story? How does a man thrive in his next relationship?
Coach, I agree with you, and I think I know what you're getting at - if something bothers me, it's my responsibility to bring it up. I get that, but in my sitch, what is bothering me is that W is calling me by my first name - I know, what else would she call me (insert joke here). Pre-bomb, she always called me by one of a few terms of affection we used for each other. Nothing sappy, but something other than our first names.
So, each time she uses my first name, I hear "I don't love you anymore" or "I don't view you as my H anymore", both of which I accept. It just triggers a reaction in me.
I know this is not something SHE is doing to hurt me, and I realize the cause of the pain is self-inflicted. But, in all honesty, it is there, minor as it is. But, evidently not so minor as not to generate some resentment.
Which gets back to the issue. Just as I cannot ask her to tell me she loves me, I can't ask her to call me something other than my name.
At bedrock level, it really isn't about the name as much as it is about the fact she doesn't feel a certain way about me. Which, truly, is MY problem. So, I return to me being happy with me and recognizing my self worth.
Am I off base on this? Is this an issue to be brought up? Or is the issue to be brought up the fact that I am not happy where our R is right now? B/c if that's it, I have had that discussion, which is partly, I think, which got us to the MC issue. That will be discussed in the next day or two - I still have to organize my notes from teh interviews of the MC's, check to see which ones are covered potentially by my health insurance (not THE issue but something to consider).
