I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

Now he is thinking you are serious, no more doormat. Feels good doesn't it? Nice touch telling him that you got the D papers FedExd.

Stop thinking about what his moves mean, focus on your moves. The next time he touches you tell him, "I don't want you to touch me. I don't want to give you the wrong idea."

Stay strong.

Cheers

it really does! he also commented on how I "ran to my room" after putting the kids to bed and didn't watch tv with him the night before. so he def noticed that.

he told me that he has to go away on business and is leaving the 2nd of Dec. he told me that he won't have contact with the OW but he knows that I won't believe him regardless and he says that he doesn't blame me because if the roles were reversed, he wouldn't believe him either.

On a side note, it is CRUCIAL that he go on this trip. We were hit very hard this past year on a few bad business deals and we are literally close to losing EVERYTHING. We only paid our mortgages for this month and still haven't paid any of our other bills. it's very bad right now.

He thinks that I am doing the whole D thing because it'll make me feel better being that he is leaving for business. He also thinks I want him out of the house after Christmas. i don't get this. but he did ask if it would make me feel better getting a legal separation (not divorce) for when he goes away on business. it's like he doesn't want the divorce (he has turned the tables saying that this is something I want.

He and I went back and forth (still showing me A TON of resentment about how I rejected him). Anytime I tell him anything, he talks about how I wasn't there for him before or anytime he references anything I've done, it has to do with during that time and not the present. He also said that he wish I hadn't told my parents/sister about what happened because now their perception is skewed and one-sided (that they only see what HE did and not what I did). He wish I had gone to a counselor something to talk. (uhm, we have NO money for that!) When it's not the case at all. What I explained to him is that they know BOTH sides, I've made it clear to them, BUT they see it as that he had a choice but he never gave me one. They see what he did as far worse than what i did. He just doesn't get that.

In all honesty, I think that having it out in the open to the handful of people that know has helped the situation because he's humiliated and embarrassed by the situation. It's like if he was so proud of his actions, then why isn't he acting so proud now? instead, he feels like an ass!

He also went on to tell me that he needs to put our kids and the business (us making money) before anything else. That he cannot work on our marriage until we have our finances in order. because without finances in order, there is nothing because we will lose it all.

He says that he needs to keep mum about how he is feeling as far as discussing us because he's afraid of leading me on because in the past anytime he has said anything (towards wanting to work on us or have us together), I've put alot of pressure on him (I agree with him on that. I have done this). He says that continuing things as they are have been allowing us to enjoy each other and our kids without putting pressure on US. He wants to let things happen between us (almost like getting to know each other and developing feelings for me again) without putting pressure on anything. he says he just needs to clear his head.

i dunno..I will say that I do agree with him to a certain extent. I HAVE been a pain and hovering over him when he did want to work things out but now things are better and we get along better than we have in YEARS.. the only missing link is us sleeping in the same bed and obviously being intimate. he'll flirt and as I mentioned above, he'll reach out and touch me or whatever but that's the missing part.