Still in the tunnel with hubby

[kjensen]

I'm lost at this point.

H says I'm manipulative,invalidating, unsupportive and oppressive. He's tired of fighting. Per H I don't understand him, I don't hear him and he is constantly invalidated...thses are all things I could say about him. I don't understand how he can perceive me this way when I go out of my way to consciously validate and support him. I try daily to "hear" him, but that honestly that doesn't always happen.

I feel criticized for how I talk and communicate-always a negative critique. I do get defensive and need to stop, but I feel I've suppressed so many feelings and I'm constantly found lacking its hard not to defend myself sometimes. So I'm very careful of what I say and say much less than what is on my mind. I choke back so much.

I don't see how I can succeed with this perception of me. There's a wall up-can't get through it. Do I just go dark? How do I do that while living with him?

I don't know what else I can do. I'm so very sad and disheartened right now. I'm failing at DBing.