bottom line is I dont want a big scene on Thanksgiving for me or my kids. Mostly for me. I would like to go and spend time with his family--the only family I have as I am the only child of an only child. This first holiday is incredibly rough for me and I expect Christmas will be worse. So do I lose by not lettng him make an ass out of himself or do I enjoy my last holiday altogether with my kids?

The DB C told me one of the things he wanted IF he were to consider coming back is to just feel comfortable around me--said I try to make toO much small talk, also doesnt know how he will get over the guilt (she said change your behavior!) and of course he doesnt have any spark or feelings for me like for the Ow. But he also told her he thought he had made the decision and now everything feels worse.

Does anyone on the board including Saffie who has been through an affair know if this is typical behavior or a really bad sign: After the C where she suggested he had a choice to give up the A, he tried to "back the Ow off"--not NC, just I think no sex and maybe a little less contact. THis apparently hasnt worked at all as he saw her more last week than in previous weeks. THe C said the A is an addiction and also any attempts to slow it down will result in more contact from OW but this contact is also coming from H too. (I know this is not too healthy but after C session I felt the need to know the truth so I went by his apartment around their work schedule of some later morning starts and some early afternoon end times(he is so dumb he doesnt think I know where he lives and she parks her car right out in front). She was there in the am and pm on 4 of the 4 available days.

Surprisingly, though it bothers me this info also gives me strength to not get too excited about small changes and to go on with my life. There is a certain sense of self empowerment when you know you are no longer falling for their lies over and over again.

I would also like some advice from the pros as to how to "thought stop" and get your mind off repeating conversations at those times when you cant get out and GAL. Ive been stripping wallpaper and I cant stop my mind and negative thoughts. Any ideas that worked?

This board is a Godsend just to know others are hurting and healing too.