Any time a wayward spouse goes from a certainty about the course of their affair ("I have found my soulmate!") to expressing doubt and confusion, I think it's progress.
And he also knows your boundaries haven't moved, and -- even more importantly -- that you won't wait forever.
I think that's all good.
I do think you need to be careful that he doesn't now take a "Oh good! She seemed to be okay with that talk!" and start to treat you like a gay friend with whom he can confide his fears and insecurities about his marriage and his affair partner. I think a good boundary to draw would have been, at the end of the conversation (maybe right after the hug), to look him in the eye and say "Thank you for being honest with me about what you're feeling. Now . . . just so that we're clear . . . it makes me feel very disrespected when you talk to me about your girlfriend. The only 'next' conversation I'm willing to have with you about this is when you want to discuss with me that you've ended it with her."
Do you think he's sincere about his "deluded" question? Would he be willing to read something like "NOT Just Friends" (by Glass) or some other book that explains the chemical addiction of affairs, so that he could see that he really IS deluded about his feelings toward you so long as he is in contact with this OW?
