Ok so H and I had a R talk. I know that is supposed to be off limits in pure DB form at this point. But, I decided to go ahead with it for a few reasons, 1. H initiated 2. H is showing some (maybe small) but some signs of fog lifting? *feel free to tell me if I am being too hopeful* 3. my gut seemed to tell me the timing seemed right because I am in a strong place... not breaking down, freaking out etc.
So... H is now saying he is realizing there is a very real possibility he has made the biggest mistake of his life with OW but is also still confused and struggling. H wanted to explain to me what was going on in his thinking throughout the A. H wanted to know my opinion, both about OW, their R and whether some of his thinking has been deluded. I was honest and, for the most part, kept my cool. I only got emotional once and that was showing anger about OW. H actually admits he has enjoyed seeing the "fight" in me come out, so I don't think that was a bad thing. H seems to be hearing what I am saying, at least to some extent and has been admitting more and more negatives about OW and their R. I have remained clear on my stand for the M and my boundaries. But, I also told him I won't wait forever for him to figure this all out, and realistically there is a lot for me to forgive so there are no guarantees. However, I remain clear in my position that we can work on all that once OW is completely out of the picture. It was, overall, a positive, calm conversation. We hugged. H has been attentive and more engaged with me and kids since.
Am I being naive and too hopeful... or are we making some progress?
