Not really piecing and trying not to jinx it, but

[Hope4us]

Freckle, It does take a while. You've been separated for 4.5 years. That's like dating someone new. You've changed and He's changed. Why not treat it like that?

Your old marriage is over and your old Husband is gone. Take it slow and get to know the new person your H has become. If you guys spend time together, ask him questions and really listen to how he answers. Learn what makes him tick. You said you've known your H since you were 12, correct? People change a HUGE amount from the time they're that young to when they reach their late 20's, early 30's.

Heck, you might spend time with him and realize you've grown so much that he's not what you want any longer. Trust me, those thoughts go through my mind as well. I know I do. In the two years since I discovered my W's affair, I've come to understand A LOT of things about my W that I either didn't see before or how she's changed and I've had thoughts that maybe (and that's a small maybe) I don't want to spend the rest of my life with her. It just goes with the territory. But then I think I realize that even though I'd give my right arm (yes, I'm left handed ) for her to not have had the A, the whole mess has allowed BOTH of us to realize where we want to be.

I think your H offering to go with you to the boob Dr. (love that description by the way and am glad it's almost certain it's not cancer) is a sign he truly does care about you.

But take it slow. In the end you might find that YOU'VE out grown HIM.