Only have a couple minutes and we're leaving for Fla tomorrow morning, but I wanted to post.
Oh how the times have changed. The other night W told me her password for her work PC. I didn't even ask and she told me. She also told me about her Facebook account and signed on with me right there. She had no friends, so I made her a friend. She told me the only reason she got the account is so she could keep an eye on the kids. She did ask me who all my friends are that I have on FB and I told her that every one of them were friends I made online on a support group website. I didn't tell her which one yet, but she didn't have a problem with it at all.
Gotta go. I'll post when we return from the land of the mouse.
As Springsteen says in a story he tells in his live version of "The River" (attributed to his dad, who'd always hassled him about long hair, threatening "Just wait'll the Army gets a-hold of you!" ... but who now found out his son Bruce DIDN'T get drafted):
Hey guys. Back from sunny WARM Florida. What a shock to the system to be sitting next to a lake, drinking a margarita, in 82 deg weather at 1 pm and next thing you know, 5 hours later, get off a plane in Ohio and it's 42 degrees.
Week went very well. Had a couple hiccups, one totally me, the other, both of us. But the nice thing is we talked through both hiccups and I think we're even closer. Hey WDID, this talking thing is pretty cool
My hiccup was a total trigger from the time W and I were at Disney and she was running off to call/text OM. We were getting ready to leave one of the parks and W said she wanted to have a smoke prior to leaving and said "I think there's a smokers area right over here". And man, it hit me hard as that's where she ran off to to call OM a couple years ago and all the emotions came flooding back.
She asked me what was wrong and I told her it was just a bad memory from a couple years ago and she said she understood. She asked what caused it and I told her and she looked at me with pained eyes and said "sorry". I told her I'd get through it, but her telling me she was sorry really helps as it shows me she gets it.
Our hiccup together was related to sex. I wanted to and she was tired and didn't want to. And she said "I just don't feel sexy right now". So we went to sleep and in the morning we laid in bed talking about it.
I asked her if she ever feels sexy now (don't jump to conclusions, she's just said that to me a couple times lately and I was going somewhere with the question). W said "sometimes, but mostly when I'm not thinking about stuff". I then said "this is going to sound totally arrogant, but have you forgiven yourself?" She looked at me and said "I mostly have, but when we talk about it, it reminds me and I don't feel like I have". She then said "Maybe deep in my mind I haven't".
I said, "I don't want this to sound condescending, but I forgave you a while ago, I think its time you let it go and forgive yourself. I'm here if you want to talk about anything". She looked at me and with some tears in her eyes said "ok". It was quiet for a few seconds and I asked her if she was glad I was such a bullhead and didn't quit on us? "Yes". "Are you happy with the way things turned out?" "yes".
I told her that's all I needed to hear. That I'd almost lost her once and I was going to do whatever I could to make sure it didn't happen again. W replied "I will too. We'll work on it."
Other than that, we had a great time. And I kind of feel like that was a pretty good thing too. A little painful, but good.
Oh yeah, one other good thing. EGF is leaving the company soon. Like, maybe already gone. If not yet, very soon. Although I don't think she's much of an issue anymore. Call me selfish, but it will be good to not hear her name anymore. Just too many triggers and bad feelings every time W mentions her.
I'll try to get around to others threads, but have a lot to do this weekend.
Talk to ya all later.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Interesting convo with W today. We were having lunch and she was telling me about some more drama in her friend at work's life. Her H is really off the deep end.
In the course of the convo W tells me her friend told her more about her H. I've said before how they were both married when they got together and now her H is crazy jealous, etc (there's a surprise huh? An affairage that has trust issues), but now W tells me that early in their marriage, that the H had told a woman he worked with that he was divorced and was going after her when the friend found out about it and that ended that.
I said to W "that doesn't surprise me in the least. When guys are like that, they don't change". W said "I know". I then said "that just confirms for me why he's being this way now. He's either in an EA/PA now, or interested in someone and is trying to justify to himself by demonizing his W". My W said, "I agree".
Ok, gotta run, but thought I'd share that interesting talk.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Ah Flynn....Life is good. The Buckeyes spank that team up north for the 6th time in a row and 8th time in 9 years and I get the additional joy of watching Ole Miss beat those F'ers because they're STUPID. There's one freakin second left in the game and you have no timeouts and you try to spike the ball? That's a DUH with a capital WE'RE STUPID attached.
And ya want to know the best part? W was sitting there watching with me, cheering for Ole Miss and laughing like crazy at that last play.
Yes, Life is good.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Hey, thanks guys. I hope your Thanksgiving day was all you want it to be.
We continue to move forward. Had some hiccups in the last couple weeks and work through them. And W continues to give me little hints at things she's had problems with in the past that I never knew bothered her, but now I will make sure don't happen.
Like just the other day, we were discussing my 30 yr H.S. reunion that was last Saturday. We didn't go, but in our discussion W made a comment that if we did go "we'll get there and you'll run off and talk to your friends and I'll be left sitting there with no one to talk to". I told her I wouldn't do that again, and that I never realized I was leaving her hanging and that must make her feel like she didn't matter when I did that stuff. She looked at me and just kind of nodded. So this weekend is the perfect opportunity to show her I get it now. My work Christmas party is Friday and hers is Saturday. I know quite a few people she works with and in the past I'd have probably been off to talk with them without paying much attention to her. Not this time. Won't make that mistake again.
Now why didn't she just tell me that before? I'm a guy. If you don't tell us something is wrong, how do we know? Well, now I do know.
The other hiccup was I've been noticing lately that W never initiated the "I love you's". it was always me with her returning it. So the other night we were sitting on the couch and I was going to head up to bed and told her "I love you" and she made some joke. I stopped and told her what I'd noticed and that right now, I NEED her to tell me that without me saying it first. She said "I didn't know we were keeping score". I told her I wasn't keeping score, but that it is something I NEED given what's gone on the last couple years. I added that I wasn't trying to rub anything in or trying to be needy, but it's something I was lacking getting from her even prior to this mess. She said "You know I love you". I said "I believe you, but that doesn't mean I don't need to hear it from you and when you only say it in reply to me saying it, it feels forced". She said she'd work on it and since then, it's been fairly regular and with meaning, which makes me feel good.
Just a couple of examples where if you listen, really listen, it can make a world of difference.
We had a very nice T-giving. Just W, the boys and I. Too much food. W cooked a great meal and I helped when she asked but didn't get in the way. And it was good. Flirted the whole time.
Friday, S21 and I went to a football game at his school and W was TM'ing me like crazy. A whole bunch of "I Love you's", etc. And when I got home, we had a really good night.... .
Saturday we did some shopping and yesterday laid around watching football.
All in all it was a very nice weekend.
Talk to ya all later.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
Thanks Puppy. I take that as a real compliment coming from you.
Sometimes I wonder if I truly had the patience or if I was just too pig headed to quit. Maybe because I KNEW we had a good marriage prior to her A it allowed me to know that if I just hung on long enough and made the changes she'd commented about in the mess, that eventually she'd come around.
Of course, I could strangle W sometimes. The other day we were talking and she revealed that she knew she wanted to be with me and stay quite a while ago, but couldn't bring herself to say so. Nice. Part of that makes me love her more, knowing that she recognized how much she'd hurt me and didn't know how to get out of it, but at the same time, makes me a little angry that she couldn't come out and tell me when she figured it out.
Oh well. No sense in worrying about it now. Life's good and getting better.
Hope4us
Me - 49, W 49 S22 & S18 Dday 9/4/07 W claims NC 4/7/08 8/29/09 - Divorce Busted. Lots to work through, but we're going to make it.
