In my opinion, none. Your W is suffering from untreated alcoholism, BPD, and a possible OM, oh, yeah, and stole money (half of which is legally yours). You asking her about the theft, who gives a rip? I just thought you should not say anything b/c it was your D's day, and took the focus off that, and not good for your kids. I do think you should try not to have any discussions like that in front of the kids, but it prob. was almost inevitable with you having no cool-off time. That's why I suggested earlier if it hadn't been your D's birthday celebration, I would advise you not to go.
My first couple months here I did stuff like that too. You're in a rough, stressful situation, so just move on and try to learn from your mistakes. Take it as a learning experience.
