Since you know me so well, I've developed a new means of posting to you. Let's see how it works!
Your divorcing spouse calls you an [censored].
a. Engage in the conversations and/or respond in an email. b. Agree and hand her the toilet paper to show you're listening c. Let it go and enforce your boundaries.
Your divorcing spouse blames you for causing everything that's wrong in her life.
a. Let her know everything she did wrong, exactly how you feel about it. And whenever she raises the issue always go back to square one and detail how you feel. b. Realize she's in a blame mode, don't engage and let her know it is no longer a topic of discussion. c. Really start thinking about all the wrong she's done you and let the anger rise.
Your divorcing spouse accuses you of all sorts of stuff because you have a relationship with another woman.
a. Tell her that what's good for the goose is good for the gander. (Still one of the lamest rationalizations I've ever heard) b. Ask her about her life/Let her talk about her personal intimate relationships to you, engage her in this discussion. c. Keep your personal life to yourself and do not engage about hers.
Both of you are misbehaving. Both of you are seeking negative attention from the other. Let it frickin' go. This doesn't work.
I keep suggesting setting boundaries. It's not about friendiness, being friends, being the safety net. It's about treating each other as adults, stepping the hell away from each and stopping pushing each other's buttons. You BOTH do this to each other.
Less talk is more in your case.
I remember after a difficult call with my divorcing spouse I hung up. Later he emailed me and asked me why I hung up mid-sentence. "I don't talk to people who call me names (disrespect me, scream at me.. etc... we had several calls where I disconnected the phone because of his behavior.).
I realized that talking to him on HIS grounds hurt ME. I minimized my contact. He's still angry at me and feels like I destroyed his life. Huh? He's living the life he's always wanted (or so he says). Let it go, buddy.
Stop beating the dead horse. It's gone on so long there's no longer hope for even glue.
Whatever you say to her doesn't matter. Her own angst translates it to something else.
Do what makes you healthy, brings a sense of peace rather than anger.
