My H was working last night doing checkstops looking for drunk drivers and my sis and I went for a snack run at about 1am. I went through the checkstop, but he was on the other side of the street. The policeman that stopped us is a friend of mine so I assume he told H we were going through, and I looked back after I went through and he looked up and saw us go through. I hope for once his mind is going a mile a minute wondering where I was going at 1am. Its about time. He He
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
So,has anybody felt detached one day, and then not the next? I had a good night last night even after the huge dramatic day I had yesterday. I started to picture my H in the mall with the boys and his best friend who is connected to the hip with. And it was such a turn off. Just thinking about my H actually wanting to spend all his time with his single best buddy and the kids rather than me and the kids really made me upset. So last night what I imagined to be a bad night for me after what happened yesterday actually was good. I actually felt detached. I didn't think about him, I didn't wonder where he was, I felt okay being alone. It was wonderful.
Then I wake up today and its the opposite. I miss him like crazy, I am dying to talk to him, I would actually die to see him, and I just want him to come home. I think alot is because I'm nervous about talking to him again as our last conversation wasn't that good. So I'm more curious to see if he gets over this hurdle or not. I don't know why I can't detach fully, and for good. I have two parties to go to tonight and I'm throwing a baby shower tomorrow, so its not like I am not GAL'ing!! I am. And it still bothers me.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
If you happened to see your husband drive by your house at 1:00 am, would you wonder why he was out so late or would you wonder if he was checking up on you to see if you were where you were supposed to be?
I knew he was working, but I had no idea where or anything like that. My sis and I had the munchies so we went to the local convenience store and going up the hill by my house, they had the checkstop set up and we ran into it. Had no idea at all. But these feeling were earlier in the night before I saw him at the checkstop.
M: 31 H: 29 Married: 6 yrs Children : 7yr old, 5yr old, 2yr old
Separated: Sept. '09 Moved Back In for wrong reasons: Nov. 30, 09 Recomitted to our Marriage: Jan. 25, 10 Threatening to leave again: July,14
Try not to focus on "feelings." They come and go. I don't necessarily "feel" like going to work everyday, but discipline myself and just do it.. I could analyze myself to death about why I don't feel like it everyday and it would just run me in circles and get me more worried about how I feel each day than just getting up and going.
Works the same with detachment. Focusing on the feelings is futile. Focus on the discipline of doing the things detachment requires. Some days you won't feel like detaching. Detach anyway. Some days you do feel like it.
So,has anybody felt detached one day, and then not the next?
I am like you. One day I do great and the next it is completely the opposite. Sometimes I will have a great day of feeling detached, but then later that night I can't help but wonder what H is up to. I hope that at some point these swings from on end of the spectrum to the other will gradually fade.
Me & H: 33 yrs S: 4 & 6 D: 2 M: 9 yrs ILYBNILWY: 8/09 SEPARATED: 9/09 The Beginning
So,has anybody felt detached one day, and then not the next?
I am like you. One day I do great and the next it is completely the opposite. Sometimes I will have a great day of feeling detached, but then later that night I can't help but wonder what H is up to. I hope that at some point these swings from on end of the spectrum to the other will gradually fade.
Its natural. And if you did not feel like that you would not be human. All part of the grief cycle. But detaching is very important. Keep it up. It is the only way to heal and gain strenght.
