Re: Time to 'fess up (Newcomers)

[dtlewis]

I am trying to get a little more insight into how I can work on myself (Get A Life) while working on the practical aspects of my situation. You can get catch up on my situation in the Newcomers forum under 'Time to 'fess up'.
My wife continues to push for divorce. She says that she knows we cannot change living arrangements because our finances are in such disarray. But, she would like to file by early December. Meantime, she still sticks to saying she wants to do what is best for the kids, but acknowledges that she knows every counselor, psychiatrist, psychologist would recommend trying to work on our marriage, and she isn't willing to do that. Her reason for wanting to hurry is so she can get her finances in order. But, she still continues to use our joint account as she wishes, even for things that are clearly not 'joint' expenses. I am working a combination of 180 changes in my behavior plus some aspects of last resort.
I am having trouble trying to set boundaries; specifically, is there a way to make her understand that my hesitancy to support (or even just not object) to her plans centers mainly around the effects on our kids. Yes, I want to save our marriage and make it the healthy, happy, intimate, loving blend of lives that marriages should be. Also, I can't figure how hard a line to draw with finances. We have finally come to an understanding that she can't use our account for major things, but I need her to respect that my putting everything into our account is out of love and the desire to support our family. If she no longer wants the marriage, I don't think she is entitled to use the money (e.g. has frequently planned family trips that I couldn't attend due to work).
Finally, I can use a 2x4 to the head to remind me (with some examples) that I cannot believe anything she says and only 1/2 of what she does, that I can only work on myself, and anything else the community thinks I am being blind to.

Thanks in advance.