Awoken, I know you've been focusing on alanon and your W's drinking problem. Have you hired an L yet or seen one? If not, I think it is time for you to start interviewing L's until you find one that is a good choice for you. I think a really great book on divorce re: legal aspects is the nolo guide on divorce. I've been reading through that (recommended by lodo) and it is excellent.
I think you should still attend alanon when you can fit in it as a good support system for you. You had mentioned a men's meeting and that would prob. be good I would think.
Normally, I would advise you to cancel plans to shop and eat with your W, but I wouldn't do that in your case b/c it is for your D's birthday. I would go and focus on your D and basically try to ignore your W. I would not get into any R talks or legal talks or any kind of talks as that would be a shame and hurt your D's birthday celebration. Not good to get into anyway.
Hire an L and then have all legal discussions ended by you telling your W, that your attorney will handle that. If she is planning on legal plans, then I think you will need to go dark as much as possible. Since her drinking is a problem, then I think you can/should discuss with your L, the legal aspects of her moving out then if she is filing for D, in the best interest of your children (and you).
