SH Sounds like you were clear, authentic and professional about the D discussion only thing to do now is ride it out and see if H proceeds or you file, you may achieve more closure if H balks and needs more time, you may have to call in patiernce to see what happens from most of these posts, these mlcers appear to bew gone a very long time and 3-4 years doesnt seem like enough so again the choice will most likely be with you if you want to push D along or wait longer we are walking this out with You Peace
married 14 years H 42 bomb 2/07 IDLYA D final 3 /09 M ow D ow
I wonder if it is because D is an open issue on the table now, that he is feeling slightly more comfortable being open with you. Or if it is because he is being friendly out of guilt, or whatever it is? But then, I think the focus is on you. If you are ready, waiting is just a courtesy to your STXH. This must be hard.
peace - I agree that 3-4 years isn't always enough time. I predict that H will still be in this for at least another year or so, and sadly, it's another year that I'm not willing to wait out for him. Not that my heart doesn't want to - rationally, it no longer makes sense to me and doesn't seem like the right thing to do. Strangely, the reason I held on for so long was in large part for my kids - and my kids are now the reason I feel I need to bring the M to an end. I don't think we're teaching them what a M should look like. They're getting older and can understand so much more.
forward - this is definitely the LRT in effect for me. I've got nothing to lose at this point. I'm ready for it.
oc - I think the friendliness is actually out of loneliness. I do think he's having second thoughts, but not strong enough to act on them fully yet. I also think that he doesn't necessarily want me and kids back, but that he doesn't want to let us go because he doesn't want anyone else to have us. Selfish. Of course, I have no idea if any of this is accurate because he tells me nothing!
No reply from him and I just heard that he took off out of town, completely last minute. Perfect excuse to not be able to meet up with me.
I'm stumped and not sure what my next move will be. As much as I thought I was prepared for this, beginning the D proceedings is much more emotionally difficult than I thought.
forward - what you suggested saying last time, about reconciliation not being realistic - I'm starting to feel that way now. H continues to make bad choices. Still has ties to ex-ow and has been in contact again with psycho ex-gf (before me). When I think of these 2 things alone, I can't imagine why I would want to have a life with this man.
Still no reply from H. He has 4 days to set a time to meet. I don't expect it to happen. Thinking of how I'm going to move forward with the D from here. I don't think that H will man-up to even discuss the terms with me. All the patience I've had for him over the past 3 and a half years is quickly fading. H has been a coward from start to finish. The thought of spending the rest of my life with this kind of person does make it easier to move forward.
SH, what you are thinking about having second thought but not strong enough to act on it is what I would be thinking too. As long as you are ready, you can move forward. Think about your new life and how you want it to be. I hope that may help some.
