He said he has been thinking a lot the last few weeks. He said this is what he wants to do. He does not want to make any promises to me because he has hurt me enough but that he knows he wants to work with me.
THOSE words in red are your key that he should NOT be allowed back in with you. You MUST stand strong because of those very words. They could very well be the words of a man who has been dumped by another woman and can't live alone. He SHOULD be telling you this if he is serious...
"I know you may not believe me because I have broken so many promises and hurt you so much, but I AM serious and I do love you and miss you and will do anything I can to get you to trust me again. I promise to do whatever it takes to repair our relationship and never hurt you again.. etc. etc."
He did NOT say that or anything like that. A person with the correct self esteem (meaning YOU) doesn't demand promises but doesn't budge from their position without them.
He is HEDGING. You are leaving him an out to come back and say.. "Well I told you I wasn't goin to promise you anything and now you are pressuring me again"
Tell him firmly and nicely that you TOO have been doing some thinking and since he told you he can make no promises that YOU HAVE decided that you are not going to make any either and that at this time then you think he should continue to think about things.
When a man loves a woman in the right way he WILL make promises. Ask the men on this site who lost their wives. Read their threads and see what THEY will do and say to their wives. THAT is how a man who is serious will respond to you.
I am not saying that he has to promise you things that are not realistic or unreasonable. I AM telling you that you better go back and read those words again because you may be so glad to hear what you WANTED to hear that you missed the things that you SHOULD be hearing and are close to overlooking. It is better he stay and keep thinking about what he may have lost than to let him come home too soon and leave again later.
Do not force him or pressure him to make any promises. You get him to make them by telling him that you just don't feel right and you need some time to think this over and that you can't make any promises to him either.
Then it is HIS move. Watch, listen and observe. Don't gloss over ANY words. Don't be so caught up in him saying he wants to come home that you miss the other things he has said that many people don't catch.
