Can I save my marriage?

[TrentC]

So I'm at work, and H calls me crying. Saying he has just been so humiliated by my father. That he has never been more embarrassed. That his family is still so nice to me, inviting me to family functions treating me like I'm still a part of the family. And my dad treated him like crap. Now he was not rude, did not say anything offensive, was just kind of quiet holding in his fury with my H.

Your father and your husband need to work that out between the two of them. That has nothing to do with you.

He also said, "How are we ever going to have a chance to work on this if your dad treats me like that?" There is no way I'm coming home now!!

And this is a perfect example of "gaslighting". He's making something that your father did your fault.

I apologized for my father's behavior and told him he is just upset because he sees H like a son, and doesn't know how to act in this situation.

I wouldn't have apologized for your dad, but you were right to point out that this is between the two of them. At some point, they will have to come to terms if your husband decides to reconcile with you.

I am now worried that this is the last straw. It seems like something keeps happening every single week.

Yep. And things like this will happen every week or so until things work out. Just relax; it happens.

Yes he continues to get over it, but this time he was in tears. He admitted that this has nothing to do with me, I wasn't there, I am not them, but he also stated that he is not coming home.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. I'll call you regarding the pickup schedule for the boys later this weekend. Gotta run!" *click*

I dont know what to do. I don't know what else to say to H. I'm scared to death that these things keep happening and sooner or later H isn't going to get over them like he has in the past. HELP!!!!!!!!

But thing to remember is: he is getting over them every time. After the debacle of the holiday party, things got to the point where he was willing to come back home!

Your prescription for this weekend is to keep on like nothing happened. Don't talk about your H with your parents any more, and don't bring up your father with your H. Don't bring up coming home, just keep on with business as usual.

If you can do that -- once he gets over his bruised feelings -- your husband might change his mind again.

(And seriously -- crying to you because your dad was mean to him? He needs to grow up...)