WAW and 4 kids

[tryingtilDorR]

Just when I am ready to wallow in my own anger, I read this on another thread from Coach:

Stop being a victim, very unattractive. A victim has things done to them out of their control. A leader sees the situation, makes a plan, and moves forward. Choose your own path, considering the brutal reality of where you are. You have choices in how you handle things. The anger stems from feeling out of control. Reread your post, you give her control over you.

I am playing the victim - waiting for her to decide when to move out, file, etc. which may or may not ever happen. Or am I?

I am at the recognition of brutal reality stage I think. The reality is making me angry and tired. I need a plan and a way forward now that I understand the brutal reality. My previous 'plan' was to DB but I haven't been great at it I guess since things seem to just drift slowly downward, but I do feel like I am in a much stronger position no matter what happens so I guess that means I am winning. I guess the fact that I feel like I can move on without her is a victory - it is just that the limbo takes its toll.

I have tried to move the ball and had discussions about S/D with W on different occasions, to see if there were a way for us to work together on it and it went nowhere. She stonewalled on every point. It left me thinking that if I wanted ANY movement in this situaiton I needed to file for D myself. sigh. But.... she seems so close to leaving on her own, so maybe there will be a break in the weather? I guess I am playing victim again, waiting for her to drive things.