Over the Shock and GALing 6

[d1adsl5a]

Coach:

I here you. Believe me I do. Sometimes I do have the ability and strength to lead. Sometimes I do play the victim. Unattractive as it may seem, it is just hard to play that role always. You are like the kid sometimes that someone says they don't like you, and your ego says wait a minute, I am not a bad guy. How can you say that. How can you throw the entire thing away without ever trying.

The counselor did say that he cannot see this changing for the better with both of us in the same house. I would have to agree. You have to get to the indifference phase, which means love is gone, hope is gone, to act like you don't care. Unfortunately, I am not to the indifference phase, she is. As I said earlier, somedays I can act the part other days I cannot. The days I cannot, I am not going to pretend anymore. My emotions are my emotions. Trying to squester them doesn't work for me.

This somewhat played out today with our conselor. I just get fed up with us in limbo land. I asked her what is her plan. You wanted this to be done, they do something vs. just playing out a charade every day.

So we did come out with a plan re: getting our house appraised, talking about custody which we agreed to in theory of me getting 3 days per week and her getting 4 days per week.

Look coach I do know how to lead. I run a $150M business unit in a fortune 50 company. This thing has shook me to the core. All my busniess teachings seem to go out the window when my heart comes into play. This has opened me up deeper than I ever though something could. Had no idea hurt, stress like this could come on like this. It has been 7 months of her wanting out. So I am to the point of fine, just do what your going to do so the healing can begin for me.

I do admire what Thinker is able to do. My only question to thinker would be isn't this whole thing with the mystery just a cat and mouse game. Do you ever get to the point of just end it if you are going to end it? After a year, if she was going to comeback wouldn't there have been some signs by now?

I guess I just don't have the patience that you have.

I am sure this also comes off as the victim, however, that is what I am feeling. The real victim(s) in this whole thing is our sons. We failed them as parents.