When I left she came outside to help load my car and I told her that I could get it and that she was in her PJ's. She said it was fine. She said that she had some work that she should have done and I said, "sorry for keeping you up so late." She said that "talking was more important." I told her that she should sleep in the next day and I truly meant it. I dont want her life to be crap. If this brings about change then great but I cannot keep building up hope in myself everytime she smiles at me or asks me to do something together. In january we will be divorced and that is that. In my state I did what I could within my financial capability and now a judge will decide who gets to see the kids more. It is not fair but it is my reality.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
I have been as dark a night since Oct. 27th and when I do see my W on kid exchanges I make it a point to send a text or answer my phone with glee!
Other than that I have been enjoying living in my apartment and focusing on work. I have put 3 job apps. out in the last 2 weeks but have not heard back on any of them yet. I have NOT been on any dates other than the one but as long as my wife thinks I am...
I will be going to a support group for children of divorce on Tuesday. Both my wife and I will be going with D7. The children go to their own group and the parents go their own group. The therapist that I spoke to yesterday seemed to be on board with divorce busting(she had heard of the book.) I will report back on how that goes.
On monday night D7 and W and I all went to the Miley Cyrus concert. It had been planned since june for D7's birthday. We got along very well and she bought me a coke and candy. I made sure to send a couple texts before, during, and after the concert. I dont know how long this will go on before she cracks but I am not counting the days anymore.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
What steps (if any) have you taken in exposing her affair with the married man? The reason I ask is because the jealousy button doesn't seem to be working -- for me this means her affair is still going strong.
Until you actively take steps to bust the affair or it dies a natural death you're paddling upstream.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Her affair was only an EA but it was extreme enough that she would have slept with him. On the 27th I told her that I knew what she had been up to meaning, I told her I read her journal enough to know EVERYTHING. She was not happy to say the least. Of corse I got the "I knew you were looking at my stuff!" routine. Ans she did lie but I held my ground and told her that she could not lie anymore. The guy has been living in Italy since the end of August so the only contact they have had has been a few IM's and a couple phone calls. He made the decision to stay with his wife and kids instead of get involved any further with my wife. My wife is still convinced that she is leaving me because of ME and not HIM.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
It wasn't only an EA my friend. Women work differently from us. She created an entire fantasy around this man. He met her emotional needs and dreams. He buttered her up and told her everything she wanted to hear. She's probably out looking for another "man of her dreams" conjured up in trashy romance novels.
Originally Posted By: v1olin
My wife is still convinced that she is leaving me because of ME and not HIM.
I hear you. And its partly true. She has rewritten your history and highlighted every slight (no matter how big or small) to increase her anger and resentment towards you -- to justify to herself that she is right.
Can you remember what she wrote in journal? What was it that attracted her to this POS in the first place? e.g. "OM is so considerate of me feelings. He 'gets me' and would never leave the toilet seat up in the bathroom."
That there is 'intel' my friend and you can use this to your advantage. Another thing you can do is re-read your thread and list out what has caught her attention in the past.
Assuming of course that you are detached enough to give this a shot without expectations. Only when you have nothing left to lose do you stand to gain. The objective here is to become the one with the least to lose in the relationship. "He who cares least about the relationship is the one who holds the cards."
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Very possible. We have to keep quiet about it... but I've come to suspect that we are the victims of an extra-terrestrial invasion where the people we knew have become possessed and are under their control. Sssssssh! Don't tell anyone. They might be spying on us.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
I know that she has created a huge fantasy with this guy. I mean, she was mom of the year and just 1 month after the bomb she is writting about thoughts of leaving her children behind to follow him to Italy! Puke! Now, what is it about him that she likes? carefree They work at the same place He is so comforting to talk to He talks about her She claims he can read her expressions/mind Makes over 100k a year Career driven corporate man (my own words) He does home projects He has a motorcycle
Really I dont know if I care enough anymore to think about it. The things I wrote above were all in her own writing except where noted.
Me 35 Wife 34 Two daughters 8 years and 3 years Bomb 3/30/09 W filed 4/16/09 We met in'92 married in 2000 Divorce final
And yes, she has written about finding someone else to help her get over the EA married friend who did not leave his wife for her.
As hard as it is to believe... and difficult to achieve... try make that someone else you.
Forget about the 100K... its a red herring. It could have been a hobo she fell for. As for motorcycle, home projects... nope not the reasons.
She has emotional needs: comforting to talk to, talks about her, mind reading... "I can SO relate to you...." THESE ARE THE KEYS. She thinks its the money. Career driven... yeah... goes to "ambition".
Now here are a few more keys for you... and I'm assuming here that: 1) you are always wearing overalls or "blue collar" clothing 2) you aren't dressed smoothly often 3) your appearance has lagged 4) you haven't got a decent hairstyle
Tell me if I'm wrong there. So... all this counts against you. If you want her back you're going to need to do those changes. There is a reason she fell in love with you. I bet you used to listen to her and make time for her before... then life and the kids got in the way.
Honestly, I can't remember your entire story and will need to go back through your thread and re-read it. You need to make yourself attractive in her eyes again. You're going to laugh at me, but go hire the movie "The Breakup Artist." Watch it until about the 1 hour mark. Its a romantic comedy. Basically the girl is hired by the dumped guy to conquer her materialistic sister. She runs him through a complete makeover. Pay attentions to the tips she's giving him and ignore the story.
I'll try re-read your thread tomorrow and see what else I can glean from it.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
