Thanks so much to all. Gave me a bunch of different perspectives. Oldtimer, you are right on some accounts about me judging his friends but I have my reasons. These are people who have told him that he should not be with me and be with the OW. They know me very well and have met her once. She is prettier and thinner, they said and that's reason enough to ditch me. But, they said, I left him and if a girl leaves you...you leave her..plain and simple. These guys all have cheated on their wives/girlfriends. I know this because I know these guys really, really well. Judge lest you be judged..I get it. But, honestly, I would prefer that my husband hang with people that wouldn't suggest that cheating on his wife was not only ok but leaving her was the perferable thing to do. To me, these men do lack character. I do to, at times. Expressly why I no longer hang with my friends who could potentially be a catalyst to behavior that I sometimes struggle with...not so soon in my recovery. I really do see what you are saying. I am affraid that they are a cover, I am afraid that he may see her with them and of course they wouldn't ever tell me and instead condone it. And yes, I would like him to be with me...but I also understand that is my CoDependance coming out. The biggest reason is that I simply don't trust him.
That said...I'm going to, of course, let him go. I am also going to go out. I'm going out as the person that I want to be. I am going out tonight to my CoDA meeting and then out to coffee afterwards at a coffehouse/mic night sort of place and then DD and I are going to see my brother play drums in a band tomorrow night. It's a free concert for the public. The truth is, we can't afford a sitter. I have to stay home.
There's more to all of this but I'll write more later tonight. Thanks again to all of you.
Peace,
gina B
M 43 H 34 D 4 H asked for D on 6/21/09:1st D mediation 7/27;D says he wants to try 8/18; *I will stumble, I will fall down but I will not be moved.(N.Grant)
