Wow! Your ex does expect a lot! By talking to you, he probably expects you to convince S to go to their home. I hope you put him right and let him know that it's up to S.
Interesting developments.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
Being me thanks for your reply, yes I got the same vibes as you have, and yes I also made it clear to ex that it is 100% up to son if he decides to go to their home, it was ex who caused all this upheaval in his and sons relationship, one thing I wont be doing is telling son he should be going down there. I also told ex that I will not be entering into any arguments with him about this situation, son may or may not decide to go, that is sons choice, just like it was ex's choice to walk away and dis-own son. I have discussed it with son today and got his views on it, he is still dead against having any form of contact with ex's wifey, he said he might consider going down if she was out of the way, and not in a negative form or view I asked would he be comfortable down there knowing that although she as supposedly said she would keep out of the way for a couple of hours, that she would come back, back to the same old story of she had forgotten something or after a couple of times it being just son and dad that they would have to include her. its just deja vu really. like you say I have noticed how still ex can call me and speak to me nicely when he is wanting something in return, I have already given him something and had no thanks for it, I put my head on the block to get him and son talking again, if that isnt enough then tough. I wont be getting involved it is completely up to son. regards
The mid lifers can't seem to get it together. It is funny how they cause us hell and then want US to fix it. I think you are handling your situation perfectly. It is time for your ex to grow up....
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
Interesting thing today, ex picked son up and took him to his rugby, on returning he asked son to send me out to speak with him, he was basically on about sons chest still being bad and how he is struggling at rugby because of it, but underneath it all it was basically having a go at son and in a way I suppose me, was son eating ok was he doing this was he doing that. Anyhow I just got the feeling that he is getting fed up of taking son to his rugby. so after son and I came indoors, we had a few heated words and I told him I would take him myself, because I arent putting up with his dad dissing myself or son, who is he to tell me I arent providing the correct food or doing my job as a mother correctly. so because I was so wound up due to the fact son was upset at his dad dissing me, in a temper I texted ex and said "thanks, now he is upset and gone off on one", immediately he phoned up asking what was matter and quickly pointing out to me that he wasnt having a go and didnt want to upset myself or son, that he just wants son to be ok, and I have to say there was a tone in his voice that was upset too, maybe because of the text or the fact hed upset son. I dont know but I am not having him dissing me or son and if he doesnt like it he is welcome to get back out of our lives again, hes done it before so next time wont be such a shock, anyway rant over, thanks for listening, lol
I say this because it is better to encourage him to have a relationship of some kind with his father; it is good for both of them and perhaps they can begin to heal. Who cares about OW except as a sort of puppet in X's drama. I'm not saying force S to go, but try to soften things a bit. It is for S's sake.
Also, instead of getting offended w/X trying to tell you what to do, what if you just make a joke out of it? Come up with some one-liners there.
I wouldn't take anything X says too seriously. He's probably bumbling along trying to do what he can here and it's a lot of misguided attempts to get back into S's life.
Assuming you mean it, you could tell him you are just glad that he is trying to have R w/S.
Although I could hardly blame your poor son for being so very disillusioned w.X, you really do not want X to get out of your lives again. Your S is going to need him.
Also, if you are going to have a better coparenting R w/X, see if you can let go of the anger. You can do that better if you continue to keep your contact w/X to a minimum.
M: 16 years Bomb 4/07 OW 20s long gone Divorced 11/09 I remarried New Guy Cooperative r w/X regarding D
Forward I hear you my friend, I do try keeping contact with ex minimal, but I have noticed that when he drops son off he asks son to send me out to talk with him, maybe this is because he is limited to speaking to me when wifey is around so sneaks in a chat whilst she is not there. Also I do encourage son to have a relationship with his dad and have never done otherwise, what I was saying was I dont want ex back in our lives if he is just going to cause trouble between son and myself
well folks this guy is still well out to lunch so to speak, it is now 4 weeks and he hasnt contacted his elderley disabled housebound aunt, not even checked if she has tablets, shopping or anything, also son as been really ill and hes managed 2 phonecalls not really asking about sons health, but asking if he was going to his rugby, I do know that it worked in exs favour if son wasnt going to rugby as there was an event he could attend if not being burdened with son, again all about himself. This man as completely changed, it is a fact he is the complete opposite of what he was, he is now cold callous and disgusting in his behaviour to the only two blood realatives he as left. his aunt is distraught she says that after 47 years being there for ex and being really close she cannot believe that he as just desserted her in her years of need, I told her that she is experiencing just the same as he as done to myself and most of all his son. what a shambles this guy as made of his life, his guilt and shame must be to the limit. anyways on with life im going out for a meal and a few drinkies today. lol
Mandy, I'm sorry to see that he's still acting like a butt. I really don't know what to say about his behavior towards his aunt. The poor woman has been his rock for a long time and to turn against her now makes me wonder just what is going through his head. When he comes up for air again, he'll contact her....they are users and when the need should arise, he'll be there on her door step just as if nothing ever happened.
I hope that your son is feeling better soon. I think you are right about one thing....he didn't want to take your son to rugby. It was very evident by the phone calls that life is still all about him. What a butt!
They really do become the opposite of what they were pre-MLC. It's a shame that they've missed out on what is important in life, but the time will come and go and it can never be restored to them. It's their loss. Enjoy the time you share w/your son. That time is priceless.
Hugs to you and your son!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Perhaps your ex has difficulty seeing his aunt in ill health, it reminds him of his mortality. They are such cowards with this. My ex bailed right after his mother died and my mother was diagnosed with cancer. Really, these guys are very emotionally weak and hide under a facade of confidence. They are truly cowards.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
