No 2x4 from me. Nope, I'm clapping here. Sure you were a little slow on the uptake... in the beginning. Then you remembered the point. Communicated it. And cut the conversation short.
About time you stood up for yourself and had the gonads to hangup. Keep establishing and reinforcing those boundaries.
How's the search for a REAL lawyer coming on?
Last edited by Gnosis; 11/20/0902:22 AM. Reason: grammar
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
Now that I have the temp order, I am putting together my plans and pictures of the MR, and will be contacting current L, and asking where we go from here.
If I don't like what he is telling me, then I'll look for new L.
In some respects, I am bound by the laws here in MA, so there's not much you can do about that. From what I understand, MA is the top state as far as rewarding child support now, and Alimony is so ambiguous, it will be up to the judge to decide, but there are case precedents, so it's getting less flexible.
We'll see.
I have heard from several people mockingly, that the outcome of D in this state is to ensure that neither party is happy....
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Now that I have the temp order, I am putting together my plans and pictures of the MR, and will be contacting current L, and asking where we go from here.
If I don't like what he is telling me, then I'll look for new L.
In some respects, I am bound by the laws here in MA, so there's not much you can do about that. From what I understand, MA is the top state as far as rewarding child support now, and Alimony is so ambiguous, it will be up to the judge to decide, but there are case precedents, so it's getting less flexible.
We'll see.
I have heard from several people mockingly, that the outcome of D in this state is to ensure that neither party is happy....
IWITW,
The part about your sitch that makes me confused is a judge who would order a temporary support scheme that either (a) you cannot afford or (b) will drive you into bankruptcy. I am curious as to whether your L made this point to the Court.
I understand the law in MA may not be favorable to you, but I find it hard to believe the judge would order you to pay what you cannot afford.
"Well, I don't want you knowing what I am doing, and using it against me."
"w, you can't control what I know or don't know. Then you start thinking for me, you think I am going to use something against you. If you want to know what I am thinking ask. Now back to the issue.......... "
Quote:
"d8 wanted to know if she could make it a surprise for you.."
"Actually what I heard D8 say is.................. Which gets me back to why I want to address................"
Call her everytime she mind-reads (you think/feel/believe), deflects off the issue and lies. Otherwise you get upset and stew over it. It's your choice how she treats you.
Simple rule for relationships: Someone does something that bothers you. It is your responsibility to bring it up.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Simple rule for relationships: Someone does something that bothers you. It is your responsibility to bring it up.
... without anger, resentment or malice.
I.e. In a cool, calm, emotionally detached, matter of fact voice.
State it ONCE. If they're not listening pull a Forest Gump. ("And that's all I have to say about that") and walk away. Endlessly repeating leads to TOO MUCH INFORMATION (read as noise).
If they heard, and are willing to explore, by all means do it.
M:11 | T:12 | Status: Married 4C's of WAS communication: Cool, Calm, Collected and CONFIDENT
The part about your sitch that makes me confused is a judge who would order a temporary support scheme that either (a) you cannot afford or (b) will drive you into bankruptcy. I am curious as to whether your L made this point to the Court.
I understand the law in MA may not be favorable to you, but I find it hard to believe the judge would order you to pay what you cannot afford
I had hoped that would be, and my L did argue that in court, but the kicker is, I have a large outlay in monthly cash going to 'investment' properties with nothing coming back from them.
I have heard, and understand from the L, that in some cases like this, they consider the childs well being more important than any 'investments' and can order you to essentially stop paying on them.
If I do that, I can support the large weekly outlay of cash to STBXW, but the outcome of that is they will go to foreclosure, my credit gets hurt, etc.
Since STBXW name is not on any of that, it's not a big deal to her, that is for sure. However, if there was some income or equity in them, you can be sure she would want her share of it. This is an area I intend to focus a lot of my discussion with L on, and if there is anything at all that I can do to try and protect what I have at least for a short while.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
Maybe a dumb question, but have you approached the banks/mortgage cos. on your investment properties yet about working out reduced payments? Even if it is temporary just to buy you some time while the D is proceeding.
I do a good bit of work in this area for clients and the banks DO NOT want to take back the properties if they can at all prevent it.
An odd day, my d8 had school faire today that I went to with her, crafts, sales, etc.
STBXW works at the school, so was there most of the day as well, I had been worried about that, but today it didn't seem to bother me much at all, and I focused on having fun with d8.
Last interaction with STBXW was me hanging up on her, and I had expected some tenseness from her, but nothing there at all and she seemed very polite.
Oddly, I handed her the first check from the legal temp orders, and she knew nothing about it. I asked her, didn't your L call to tell you what the order came in as? She said no, she hasn't heard anything. I explained to her what was in it, and suggested she call her L to discuss it.
Later in the day she was done working, and d8 and I were in a room where there was hoola hooping, STBXW quietly had walked in behind me while we were there. I kept my distance from her, and focused on d8. STBXW walked out after about 10 mins there herself without saying much of a word to me or d8.
Just noting it. I feel she was trying to see if we could be 'friendly co-parents' or something,(I know, I know, I am mind reading here, so you don't have to 2x4 me..) but I don't even want to be around her right now.
M: 41 STBXW: 41 D: 9 Bomb: 4/26/09
On board the D train now..
"Suffering is when we try to change what we cannot."
