Over the Shock and GALing 6

[d1adsl5a]

Heading to the Marriage Counselor in about 10 minutes. I hear what you are saying on the anger bit. I wouldn't ever act on anything. It is just the fact that yes, she is still doing this to me and to our sons. We can make all the excuses in the world for them--MLC, they don't know how to get through this phase without doing this, they hurting too and this is how they express it....depressed whatever.

The fact is, they are the ones pulling the strings and making these decisions as we sit by trying to work on us, dbing..I just question how long? Thinker it has been a year for you. Sounds like you are starting to drive this closure with setting up the mediator appointment.

I know we all hate the fact of the situation we are in. I know why most of us are here--to prepare us for post divorce. Some are lucky and they work it out. Most never get to that point. I really never imagined I nor my sons would ever be in this position. I realize this sounds alot like "Why me"

I am in the anger phase where I can't look her in the eye. I am sure that will subside sooner or later. It is exausting and I can't keep it up forever. The only way we heal is by eventually living in separate households. Neither of us are going to leave our house. I hate coming home and eating dinner as a family with her. I hate that we are spending the holiday's apart. I hate that she never gave us a chance. I hate that she never spoke up to say how she was feeling years ago. I hate that the women I loved for 19 years is gone even though we are living in the same house.

It is easy for her to act happy--she is the one doing this. It is harder for us because we are the rejected, hurt ones. Sometimes I am a master of acting like I am happy, othertimes, I can't carry on the charade...

I am rambling at this point. On my way to the Marriage Counselor to talk custody...