May I suggest that you focus on changing yourself first instead of changing her? You can't change her, you can only change yourself. There are things that you can do that my HELP her change but ultimately, it is up to her.
I would guess that the reason that you are resistant to doing things for your wife that you could really care less about is because your needs aren't getting met. If your needs were getting met, then you'd probably be more willing to do things for her, right?
Can you see how she might be feeling the same about you because her needs aren't being met either? It's a dynamic that will become polarized unless one of you is willing to take that first step to bridge that gap and pull together instead of pulling apart.
Since you are the one who is aware of the problem, you should be taking action to correct it instead of just complaining about it and trying to find ways to change her. Try changing yourself and see what happens.
Sorry to be harsh but I hate to see you keep going round and round on the same merry-go-round and never getting off.
