Is there any hope- EVER- after a divorce?

[Pheline]

I wonder how often these efforts work? I'm miserable and in pain. I'm technically separated but DH views it as divorce. I'm moving in with friends soon- he gets the house and kids most of the time- scheduled to change in 6 mos. He won't talk to me about ... much of anything without defensiveness. I initially filed divorce after feeling for years like my marriage would end any day, regret it, but we've never made progress in counseling for the past 15 years. I felt shut down for a long time and was physically present in counseling but not entirely emotionally invested because I was terrified to try. He walked out then, stating he had changed and now I had to start changing.

months later he declined to go again.

hopeless, I found an attorney.

then, months later we tried again but it seemed he wouldn't invest emotionally in counseling.

I suggested Controlled Separation and he agreed in principle but didn't follow through.

Then we mediated a legal separation.

He tells me he gave up because I wouldn't admit I need to change. I believe I have admitted it and made steps toward change.

He tells me he admits he needs to change, but *never to me*- his words. IOW, I believe I have to declare to him that *I* need to change, but he doesn't.

And, yes, I know I needed to change.

is this hopeless? What can I do? I don't want my family split. I don't want to give up. It is so painful that the only way I see the pain ending, as opposed to being covered and fading- is for clarity to come of this, solutions to be sought.....