So sorry you are here, but welcome. You are among friends who understand. It sounds to me like you are still really motivated by fear... you are fearful that if you respond one way, say something, etc. it will provoke a response in your H that will set back your progress. I can't say this strongly enough.... YOU NEED TO CONQUER THE FEAR! I know this is not easy, I still battle it every day in my sitch. But, one thing I have learned is when I stopped letting fear control me, and I took back control of my own life, I started to find the strength I needed to make the choices I needed to make. That is when I could take a stand, stay calm, and assertively communicate a boundary. When the fear was in charge, I couldn't have a convo with my H without falling apart, being pathetic, crying, etc.
If you haven't already, read BobbiJo's thread on "Rock the Freakin' Boat Already!" It addresses this really well. What we fear, our WAS are often ALREADY DOING! So, why not rock the boat?
Figure out what you are afraid of... maybe even write it down in a journal, and then tell yourself why you don't need to be afraid of that.
eg. "I am afraid of losing my H" answer: In many ways, I already have... so what do I have to lose?
or: "I am afraid of pushing him closer to OW" answer: He already turns to her regardless of what I do, so what have I got to lose?"
Do NOT let fear rule you! Take charge THA! Then take a calm, loving stand, communicate that and stand your ground. GAL, do 180's and focus on you and the kids. THAT will get his attention!
Take care.... and keep coming back here for support!
