without any legal separation agreement or divorce papers being filed, why did you move out?
Before I get to hard on you, I did the same thing when my sitch first started, she kicked me out and I took it, thought I deserved it, she had all the power and I had none and I did everything she told me to do.
Several months later, I had an epiphany. I moved back home, I didn't ask for permission, I did it. It was scary, I expected a huge confrontation and I got it but one thing that changed was this, that was when I started generating respect for myself again and that's when she started to respect me again. I stood up to her, told her, do whatever you want to do but I'm moving back, deal with it.
As for the threat of filing divorce, it's a threat, and call her on it. Seriously what is the worst thing that can happen? That she will file for divorce? Isn't she going to do that anyway? So that can't be stopping you. What's stopping you is that you are afraid of your wife, she is in control and has been for quite some time, you need to take some control back and that means taking control of your life - she currently controls you.
When I moved back in I also took the master bedroom back, you can't believe how much crazy $hit that caused but I'm worth it and as angry as she was with him, I stood up to her and stood up for myself and more respect was generated. This isn't an overnight process, expect her to bring the batshit crazy for a while but that's ok.
At one point in your life you're going to have to reconcile with yourself the notion of who leads your life: you or your wife. Choose you and then do what's right. Move back in. You're not going to disrupt your daughter's life, if that was really an issue with your wife, she wouldn't have separated from you and kicked you out of the home - she didn't care about disrupting your kid's life at that point with that change so why does it make a difference now. Plus your kid is what, 17, nearly adult, she'll be fine.
Go back home, it's the greatest lesson I learned from all this and it's the first step I took to getting me where I am now. It took alot of courage & guts to stand up to my wife and all the craziness that happened afterwards but it was worth it to get myself in the position I'm in right now.
As for selling the home, your names are both on the title & mortgage I'm assuming, tell her that you have to agree to sell the home, she can't just sell it without you and on top of that, the marital assets can & will only be split up when the divorce is finalized, until then it's just words (LOUD WORDS) coming out of her mouth and you can tune her out, in fact, that's something else I want you to do, stop giving her your attention.
This is where things turn around, this is where the potential for saving this marriage can be realized and even more important this is where reclaiming your life, your dignity and your self-respect will begin - no more waiting, you've waited too long already.
No excuses, just do it. The longer you think about it, the more you will doubt it, the more fear will creep into your mind and tell you don't do it, if you hold out, she'll eventually love you and take you back and that won't happen if you don't respect yourself enough to stand up to her.
Excuses don't explain, explanations don't excuse.
Just move back in.
If she lays a finger on you, tell her you'll call the police. Bring a friend when you go back in just so that he can witness you going back into your house and he can witness if she attempts to do something abusive. After that first day, you're on your own.
It's ok though, you can handle it, you're a man, and it is your home as well.
I want to hear that tomorrow you moved back in, don't disappoint me. I had a friend who gave me a kick in the ass and made me see the kind of man I had degenerated into and he picked me up and pointed me in the right direction: self-respect.
I'm not there to help you to the front door, you're going to need to do this on your own but you will have to do just the same.
