Well of course she is hostile because things aren't going as she planned. You are letting her emotions and behaviors dictate YOUR actions.
I am sorry to have to be the one to break this to you but when she wants to talk, she needs something or feels like throwing you a tiny crumb she does. And she expects you to lap it up. When she has no need for you she treats you like crap.
Each time you start to show signs of detaching from HER control of course she doesn't like it! That means the power is shifting and the WAS wants to control it all.
We have been over this though so there is not much else I can say.
