I need help in the biggest way. I feel so helpless

[timehealsall]

You need to get strong enough to set and enforce boundaries concerning the OW.

Have you done this?

Puppy

I have.. this has been THE problem..I will work through our marriage and try my hardest to do what it takes but I will NOT have another person in this marriage. it's like he was/is addicted to this girl. he will tell me that he would end things with her but then I'd find out that he'd emailed or IMd her.. he doesn't get that in order for us to move forward and salvage anything, he needs to have ZERO contact with her. I know he has feelings for her (he's admitted it) and I know they can't go away in a day but how can he work on us if he still has feelings for her? So far (as far as I know based on computer records/cell phone records) there has been none.. but who knows what'll happen when he goes away.

Also, we had had a falling out with his family right before we moved here and hadn't spoken to them. This hit us big time because we are very close to both of our families. he has said to me that not having his family around created an even bigger wedge between us because before, he always had them to fill that missing void... but now he is starting to patch things up with them (which I'm happy about).. so I don't know if they will be enough to keep him away from her.