Sweetie, he is the father of your child. Of course you have to think about how Marc will be affected. And of course you want him to be there for Marc. That's totally natural.
Just be very careful to not go in fix it mode.
Once you start down that path, you tend to slide deeper. Keep a safe emotional distance. Bit your tongue (literally if you have to) but don't take the bait.
You can do it!
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
Do you think it is better for Marc to help send your ex on his way to CA? Doesn't Marc need a dad even if it is a part time dad in his life?
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
That is why I helped to convince him the last time he was going to move back to CA. All it did was keep him miserable and our son sees that and doesn't want to spend a lot of time with him. Proximity is not fatherhood. He can be as much of a father to him on the other side of the country if it is going to get him motivated to improve his life.
He is depressed. He's a mess. He cried over lunch 3 times. This is a man who NEVER one time during our M cried except when our son was born. He talked to me a little about the situation he is in with the broom. Ummmm....all I can say is karma is a bitch and you reap what you sow. He kept saying that he would feel so guilty if he left Marc. Gee, you didn't think that when you left me! He left him too....in a whole lot of ways. He spends next to no time with him. If it takes 3000 miles for him to get back on his feet and get his life together so be it. In the long run that would be better for Marc. Seeing his dad like this is not doing him any good.
I offered him the ticket. He says that the broom is going to kick him out assuming they beak up. Maybe later today even. I don't know. I did have to break down and open a door (which nearly killed me to do but I couldn't live with myself if I didn't). I told him that if she kicks him out he can come back to the house until he gets the money together to move because I can't have Marc's dad living in his car. Go ahead....2x4 me, but I don't regret it. I have to live with myself and it's not in my nature to deny compassion to my child's father.
So.........we'll see what happens. I'll keep you posted!
BTW - My calves and hips are KILLING me! I've been Wii Fitting myself to death! That is a serious workout! I end up sweating, panting, but having an absolute blast doing it.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Last time I was not in a good place so the emotions were much worse. This time....I've been in therapy since August, I'm getting much more aware of how I process things, and I'm better at boundaries than I ever have been.
Aware. That is important. I wasn't before and that hurt me.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I got home last night and as I walked in the garage door Marc was in the kitchen. I told him I was so excited that he had done the dishes without being told 50 times to do it. He then comes out with, "Well, dad did them. He said he'd do it if I went and cleaned my room. Then we played Wii bowling and I beat him 3 times!"
I wasn't very good and hiding th shocked look on my face and Marc looked a little scared by it. I asked when his dad was there and he said that Gabe had been waiting outside reading the newspaper when Marc got home. I don't care what prompted it, I'm just glad he spent some time doing something fun with Marc even though it was in my house. *sigh*
No word from him at all since yesterday's lunch meltdown. I'm going to assume (yes, I know...I'll turn up those first three letters) that he probably worked things out with the broom.
Whatever.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
Kima nd I are on good terms...but i can never, ever imagine a time when she would have a reason to step inside my house..nor I inside hers..ya gotta have boundaries...
I still allow my X to step in briefly when picking one or more of the kids up if there is a rush so as to help get them to move faster. Other than that, she is not welcome anymore for friendly chats or time with the kids. And if I ever get another serious girlfriend, XW will not be allowed to step in my door even though she feels it is ok that I am invited into her house (which I decline).
He kept saying that he would feel so guilty if he left Marc. Gee, you didn't think that when you left me! He left him too....in a whole lot of ways. He spends next to no time with him. If it takes 3000 miles for him to get back on his feet and get his life together so be it. In the long run that would be better for Marc. Seeing his dad like this is not doing him any good.