It is a sick game if he still has her on the side. It is also a sick game if he is allowing the kids to do things that he knows will get to you so he can come back home. That is manipulating. If he really wants to come back home, he will drop tinkerbell and prove it and man up as a real father to his kids. I'm not saying that will get him home. I'm just saying he can prove himself and he is not even willing to do that and yet expects to be given a free pass home.
Frusturating I know. You are very strong through this.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Yes, I agree Kevin. He tries every tactic he can think of to manipulate, and has decided that the only thing he can use that I care about is the kids. He knows that will suck me into a fight every time. I don't care about him throwing tink in my face, so he has gone to denying that. I don't care about him moaning, groaning, guilting, spewing, so he has stopped that.
He used to manipulate me with saying he didn't want to live anymore and threatening suicide. At first I attempted to get him some help and he refused. Then I stopped letting that be a game. I was finally so mad at him one day after he had acted crazy and started his I want to die stuff that I just told him to do whatever he felt he needed to do but leave us out of it. I haven't heard that threat anymore. He's like a little kid that goes from tactic to tactic trying to see what works.
The problem is I can't ignore stuff that is affecting the kids, so that is somewhat working for him.
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
The problem is I can't ignore stuff that is affecting the kids, so that is somewhat working for him.
I don't see how that is working for him. It is just making you angry at him. His goal is to get back with you. That isn't helping him do that. It is only bringing more resentment to you. Sure, maybe it draws you into another fight, but it isn't drawing you into reconciling with him. So I wouldn't even say that is working for him for what he ultimately wants.
The problem is he refuses to show with actions that he is serious about what he wants. His actions show that he is not ready to be back with you at this time. He gives you words, but does the complete opposite of what would really help him in this situation. His actions don't back up his words.
Does he not see this? Well, dumb question, of course he doesn't see it or doesn't want to. Give him a copy of DB or DR. Sounds like he could use it.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
Man, Kevin, I think you're the only person that talks to me anymore!!! LOL
Where are all my people? Talking to myself sucks!
SOOOO, S9's soccer team won the city championship tonight! He is the goalkeeper and it went into a double overtime then a shootout. He stopped the first two shots and the third went over the top of the goal. He was awesome! Pics on the alt.
I'm not a proud mom or anything....
"Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out." Robert Collier
"One's best success often comes after their greatest disappointments." Henry Ward Beecher
Was just catching up this morning. Honestly haven’t had too much to say to anyone, if you can believe that from me. LOL
I am having a similar issue here with H. I wish I had some advice on what to do when they just keep upsetting us. I’ve searched and come up with nothing…
But I will keep checking back to see if anyone comes up with something profound.
Have a good day. When do you go on Thanksgiving break?
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
SOOOO, S9's soccer team won the city championship tonight! He is the goalkeeper and it went into a double overtime then a shootout. He stopped the first two shots and the third went over the top of the goal. He was awesome! Pics on the alt.
Hi Soco!!
I have never commented to you before, but I've seen your name. I am now, because I can relate. I have a S10 who's a gk, too! He's played club soccer since he was six, since my S12 was always playing, and he "wanted to be like HIM?" I feel your pain as a gk MOM, though! I tear my hair out! Most infamous S10 saying, as a new gk, on a new team, at a new club... (end of first half, we're down four goals) "COACH, I respectfully request a new set of Defenders!" God! I could have crawled under my chair and/or high fived him at the same time!
My S12 is a Sweeper. Boy, does their game move a lot faster! They play U13, and do a league during the week, and tournaments only during outdoor season. They're 19th in the state...
The schedule makes us nuts, but LOVE IT!
OK, now I'll go back and check out YOU! I'll chime in! (May take awhile.. I am sick in bed w/pneumonia.)
Me-46, D-21, S15, S13
After many years w/my head in the sand... I FILED Divorced 6/2011
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
That is awesome SoCo. I'm sure your son was thrilled as I can obviously tell you are and you should be proud. That is great.
You still have lots of people to talk to you. I am only one of them.
I'm glad to see you getting some joy lately.
Kevin
Me 36, W 37 M: 08/02/97 D13, D9 1st Bomb 02/08 Reconciled 04/08 2nd Bomb: 09/08 W filed for D 02/04/09 Separated 03/09 D dismissed 06/09/09 Still separated...
I am not sure his goal is to get you back. His goal is to get attention from you, either positive or negative. That is what they want at this time. He may say verbally that he wants you back, but his actions don't show it.
Every mid-lifer has a degree of narcissism in them. Narcissists feed off of attention, any kind. They will keep at you if you show them any reaction. They want and try to push your buttons. They get off on this.
Me: 46 H:44 Together: 25 years Married: 20 years Separated: 11-30-06 Divorced 12-21-07 OW: EA began 2005 PA began end of 2006 3 children,20, 16, 6 ex asked for forgiveness 01/16/11
I'll chime in! (May take awhile.. I am sick in bed w/pneumonia.)