I meant me Bbj, (you too of course but I was talking about me).
I want to take a break of this R which I dont know what it is anymore. I feel burnt out, as if I cant offer anything valuable or effective right now. I am out of patience, needy, fed up etc etc. No matter how hard I try, I cant get this weight off my chest. I am focusig too much on him and his actions and being a DB pro by now, I know that's bad news.
The way we do this now, is putting too much pressure on me and it's the kind of pressure I dont know how to handle. Being his weekend buddy and babysitter during the week sucks. I feel it is unfair for to be by myself, lonely while he gets to cake eat again. And I dont mean it regarding her, I mean it regarding his work, schedule, comfort.
His actions show some change/improvement but I need a lot more than that to be able to function whit him.
I told him I want us to talk tonight. I cant sleep and feel miserable. His reply was "I dont know what to do damn it!! I feel like a kid!". I understand that. I do. The problem is, I dont like being married to a kid. And since it has been the case for years, and my "I do it all" attitude brought me on this board, I think it will only be a matter of time before I come back with thread #134 with a title "Back after 1 year"...
I will try to prepare myself about our talk. Practice some phrases in my head "I want a divorce, Thanks but no thanks, see you later aligator, Hasta La Vista baby, I'll be back, Sucks to be US" etc etc.
No, seriously, I dont know what I will say. Driving to work, I tried to make a structured plan of a discussion so that I dont end accusing him or hurting him. All I came up with was "I am miserable, I dont know what it is, I cant figure out why it is getting worse each day but I am really really miserable". Before the end of the day, I will make sure I have everythig down, together with an action plan for me. K
I hope you find a solution to the way you are feeling K. It seems like you feel alone in the R, but by your own description you have been that for years now.
Are you looking for a H and lover or a helpmate? There is a difference. I think you might mean you feel it's not fair that you are alone and lonely, doing everything, while he does next to nothing. Besides losing one of the jobs, what more could he do that would help you feel that he is contributing? Would that make you feel more loved or would that just alleviate some of the stress?
Forgive me, but I have a VERY short memory and I can't recall if you said you tell him you love him. Do you? Does he reciprocate ever? A lot of men do not initate that. They don't say they love you because of fear that you won't reciprocate. How are you handling that?
Believe me, I hear the pain and disappointment in your post. You need to do what feels right to you. I can only say that it would be a shame to give up a chance to regain the love of your life because of mundane daily stuff.
I don't know if I'm saying that in a way that makes sense. I'm just rooting so hard for you to get your M back!!!
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I think the date or date other men stemmed from a suggestion I gave K a while ago to date her husband...like BBJ describes. She said it was not possible so....I went on to say (jokingly)that in France everyone has a mistress or lover. So perhaps that is the secret to happiness....take what you can from your husband and go get what is missing elsewhere. OK, before anybody berates me, I was joking when I said this...Incidentally K is also joking when she metions other men above.
John, speak for yourself. I am serious. I want to see how it feels to be and live without him. I want to do what he did, went around and "his love" was bigger and he came back. Maybe I will come back, maybe I will leave for good... K
Ok then....is this 'dating' because you feel undesireable or because you want to know if there are other men in the world that know how to treat a woman correctly?
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I hope this is not banned or censored, but it is important to be "all in" or "all out". Being in the middle of limbo land for such a long time is going to wear on your long term attitude.
Dating other men with the thought that maybe it will bring back your love and appreciation for your H is not the right path.
((((Maria)))). I wish I could say something else. But I am thinking of you, and know you are in a really difficult place right now.
Im still standin better than I ever did looking like a true survivor feeling like a little kid Im still standin after all this time and Im picking up the pieces of my life without you on my mind..
