Well, it has been 3 days since I posted, and I need some advice again.
As I said before, my wife filed her papers on November 13th. She told me on November 15th.
On Tuesday night, she came over to watch the kids while I went to a meeting. I expected papers. When she didn't give them to me, I asked for them. She said she didn't have them ready yet. Basically she said she had to print a form that I would sign proving that she served me the papers and she didn't have access to a printer. Printing them at work is unethical (not sure how she printed the divorce papers she filed).
We had an hour long discussion in the garage, basically about the process. She was considering an attorney, but we ended up agreeing to continue the process with a mediator.
I asked her if we had a court date and she said that initially they set the date for 30 days out, December 13th; but because of the holidays, she wanted to delay that longer. So it is January 13th. It is a temporary hearing to discuss how we handle the process over the 4 month waiting period.
She then said this "I don't want to rush this, I want to take my time to make sure everything is done right".
So, I don't have papers; she wants to divorce slowly and she seemed softer when I talked to her. We did have R talk, which is a no-no, but she initiated it. It was emotional, but not angery, at least not heated anger. We left and said good night to each other.
So; how many people out there, who get a divorce, want the process to go slowly?
We have a mutal friend who was talking to me. He runs a hair salon, and barbers, bartenders and counselors are all in the same line of work; someone sits on a chair and talks to them for an hour or more at a time. He told me that he doesn't understand this divorce. He said that in every situation he has seen, one of the people is happy with the decision, if not immediatly, at least soon after the decision is made. He said we both seemed sad and depressed.
He talked to my W two days before and said he was surprised that I hadn't moved on, because he would have in my shoes. He said something about "hooking-up" and he said he knew I hadn't done that and she asked how he knew. he said he just knew and that I wouldn't do that...he's right.
So, I am away now until next Thursday night. I am GALing, but I am so confused. The realtor is taking pictures of the house today, the sign is in the yard. My wife seems sad, I am sad, the divorce is moving forward.
This same friend told me his theory was that my wife had started this process to shake me up; and now she has taken it far enough that she doesn't know how to stop it without appearing weak.
Give me some feedback. I am starting to be resolved about this divorce, but I still don't want it. I am out of hope, but I can continue to have patience. Can anyone tell me their opinion on this?
A slow divorce seems a lot like being murdered with a toothpick.
