I am having trouble understanding what your W has to do with YOU going to the ball or not. Do YOU want to go? If so, then go.
If you want to bring a date then do so. What is the big problem here? Pretend your W isn't even going... would YOU want to go?
As for the conversation - what happened there IMO was you finally started to back off and your W didn't like it so you actually apologized for backing off and she reeled you back in to the dynamic SHE wants. Do you think that was a good thing?
You apologized to her for backing off (what she wanted), only talking about kids/money (what she wanted), getting your own life and not making her the center of it (what she wanted) so *she* would feel more comfortable? What do you think about that? And what will you do when the next IM pops up and you begin to chatter and she says "if this isn't about kids/money" then I can't talk" (like she usually does)?
