Soap Opera and trying 180

[P17]

But then later on as it sunk in, it started to rattle around in my head. Mainly the paranoid thoughts such as whether or not she still thinks or even worries about me. Haven't heard a peep from her in a week at least. She hasn't even asked where I plan to move to. We swiped a couple of messages about the pet, but that was about it.

This is like something I'd have written last week, in fact would probably have written today if I didn't go NC.

My guess is that she hasn't asked about any of that stuff is that she knows you are still available to her. She knows, deep down, if she said or did the right things that you would take her back. You can't ever tell her that as it will put you back far too many steps. I know you want to, and I did it too in some ways. All it does is reinforce in their head that you are still available.

If you have a box of donuts in the kitchen there is no hurry to eat them. That is until all your friends come in and scoff the lot. WAS's want what they can't have. She can have you so she doesn't want you. When she sees that you have moved on with your life then she will become threatened as her plan B is slipping away from her. You moving on and not wanting her anymore is not in her plan.

You've also got to remember that if she did say she was worried about you etc., that is her opening herself up to being vulnerable. She can't do that in case you reject her.

I have not let her go. Not even close, and I don't fool myself into thinking so. I love my wife with all my heart, and I probably would take her with me, but she would have to ask. There has to be some effort with her. And what pisses me off is that if she gave some efford, I'd meet her more than halfway. I always wondered if it would be good to tell the spouse about what you want if they haven't provided it. I mean, how can you create this great love story if the other person doesn't know the script?

You can't tell her. She has to find this out for herself. All you can do is show her that she has two options - work at the M or move on. And then you leave her to it. She can ponder, worry and contemplate her options all she likes but you have given her the choices that you will accept. She can cling, beg and plead all she likes but saving an M is hard work and clinging, begging and pleading isn't part of the plan. Rational realisation, admission and remorse is what is needed initially. Until she shows that there is nothing for you to work at.