"I need to move on so let's finish this as amicably and efficiently as possible. I'll contact the mediator and..."
She can always make moves toward a reconciliation WITH EFFORT you'd need anyhow, in order to trust. But more wording sounds like a tactic to get her back and does NOT sound professional or done (& none of this "if you want to get back then call me...blah blah blah =pursuit)
If you want to move on or at least move on and still hope she changes her mind, keep it VERY simple and short. The more you write, the more details...the more there is to offend or analyze and critisize. Be mysterious and short. I have 2 family members who div only to remarry years later. It happens. And yes, they were happier the 2nd time around but no, none of them waited for the other to return. All 4 (2 couples) changed and grew while apart but maintained some contact due to kids.
They truly detached and let go and moved on. And later, when they had crossed to the other shore and explored, they were able to look back on what they had left and could see it more clearly for the first time. Mind you, that's not always the case when you see your m with open eyes. You may feel badly about your own part in all this or you may feel your ex did you a favor. My older sister's h left her with 3 kids after 22 yrs and she was heartsick...but he had always been the "taker" in the M....and now that she has moved on and remarried, she'd NEVER go back to her exh b/c she has 'awakened' to what her exh was really like and though she had no choice at the time, now she's so much happier. Her ex did her a favor. Who knows what you'll feel when you cross to the other side? Give it a real shot. But when you write that you are moving on, don't bluff. If she calls the bluff you have to go through with it or have no credibility. Besides, it's not over til there's a ring on her finger and "I do" comes from lips of her and OM...
In the meantime know that no woman is unmoved by the loving interaction of a man with HER/HIS children...be the best dad you can be. For me, it's like foreplay. And stay strong and calm. Have you read anything on "forgiveness" b/c in mho, the single biggest reason WASs do not come home is because they do not believe they will be forgiven and usually, they are right.
No one wants to have a mistake thrown into their face for the rest of their life, so the trust issue is two ways; how does she know you won't hold this over her head forever and thereby doom you two to misery for good? Plus if you do throw it into her face, it'll force her to EVENTUALLY defend the choice (if only to herself) and you'll be in deep water then... You've heard that forgiveness is a gift you give yourself...well Forgiveness is also a learned skill that takes work and practice. God won't put you somewhere that you are truly stuck in misery. Trust. j-
ps try Marianne Williamson's book Return to Love, or The Gift of Change to see if her words on forgiveness or her exercises on it help you. "Return to love" was very helpful to me--a section on "Handling Fear and Anger" especially.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
