I meant me Bbj, (you too of course but I was talking about me).
I want to take a break of this R which I dont know what it is anymore. I feel burnt out, as if I cant offer anything valuable or effective right now. I am out of patience, needy, fed up etc etc. No matter how hard I try, I cant get this weight off my chest. I am focusig too much on him and his actions and being a DB pro by now, I know that's bad news.
The way we do this now, is putting too much pressure on me and it's the kind of pressure I dont know how to handle. Being his weekend buddy and babysitter during the week sucks. I feel it is unfair for to be by myself, lonely while he gets to cake eat again. And I dont mean it regarding her, I mean it regarding his work, schedule, comfort.
His actions show some change/improvement but I need a lot more than that to be able to function whit him.
I told him I want us to talk tonight. I cant sleep and feel miserable. His reply was "I dont know what to do damn it!! I feel like a kid!". I understand that. I do. The problem is, I dont like being married to a kid. And since it has been the case for years, and my "I do it all" attitude brought me on this board, I think it will only be a matter of time before I come back with thread #134 with a title "Back after 1 year"...
I will try to prepare myself about our talk. Practice some phrases in my head "I want a divorce, Thanks but no thanks, see you later aligator, Hasta La Vista baby, I'll be back, Sucks to be US" etc etc.
No, seriously, I dont know what I will say. Driving to work, I tried to make a structured plan of a discussion so that I dont end accusing him or hurting him. All I came up with was "I am miserable, I dont know what it is, I cant figure out why it is getting worse each day but I am really really miserable". Before the end of the day, I will make sure I have everythig down, together with an action plan for me. K
