Changing Man

[Gardener]

Gima,

And, sorry Gardener for the hijack, but I would love to get your take on my W's decision to go to MC. Coach is keeping me straight on how to handle things. But, your perspective would be a fantastic addition.

Sorry I missed your post earlier. Is tomorrow a.m. okay? I'm kinda shot now and afraid I may not be much good.
Replied to you on the alt.\. Thanks.\.

More later.

[Gardener]

Cas,

Hey Gardener, thanks for pointing out about the replies/views ratio of our threads on the forum list.

Cas

Ain't it great? always gives me a lift.Been trying to point it out to more and more people.
It's like "We're here with ya. We may not always chime in or feel sometimes we have nothing to offer, but we're all here.
All in this together!

[Gardener]

[quote=Serenity13](((Gardener)))

Hope you are having a wonderful day today -Good one, thanks.

How was the walk-thru? Good. 21 Brokers. Very impressed as per my broker. Was up until 4:oo making everything perfect even though I've spent weeks in house-selling mode by not leaving a room without leaving it perfect, just in case. But last I did floors, windows, et. Kinda embarrassing with the 4:00am cut-off: I was awoken this morning (11:00) by the doorbell. The first arriving broker!

My day is going great...Glad to hear

Work has been good Even better.

I have had a smile on my face most of the day, it feels weird for me since I am not a smiley person - (Probably why my family calls me the princess of darkness) lol Good for you! Frankly, I don'y smile easily, either. Goes back to childhood/parents. Recently told my brother' Y'know, you and I rarely smile? We grew up not seeing any. We learned a smile is something that only accompanies laughter." He said "Wow. Wow. You're right!"

I haven't spent as much time here today as I normally do and there are a couple of people I would like to check on so I will probably do that tonight.Sorry I missed your post earlier; i would have responded then. I spent too much time here, today.

How are you feeling today? Good. Tired. Off to sleep (house showing @ 9:00am.
Goodnight.

[Gardener]

Puppy,

Sounds awesome! Don't forget the Nugent posters tho!

No. Mountain and Leslie West posters (and I dating myself, here?

Don't get me wrong, I like Ted Nugent, But Leslie West of Mountain was and still is one of America's greatest under-rated rock guitarists. If he wasn't 400 lbs. and homely he would've been a superstar.
Here he is almost 20 years after his "heyday" (and 200 lbs. lighter) giving one of his best single performances ever at London's Night of the Guitar Greats in 1988.
Enjoy!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qc02XRNR7jo

[Gardener]

Got carried away (as usual) answering brknheart on another thread. Figure it was a rant that belonged here, at home, so I'm going to cut-and-paste away.

brknheart,

Keep the comments coming.

Yes. please do.I agree.

The issues I am having in my detachment process is my intellect tells me my WAS is not coming back and I am probably better off without her.

Same here.

My emotions are telling me that I want her back and am hoping she wakes up one day and realizes what she is doing is wrong.

My emotions now tell me I don't want who she is now back. At all. And I know she will realize one day what she did was wrong. She destroyed everything family-wise and appears intent on finishing off whatever "loose ends" she's left blended-family-wise.

I am at the point where I am making decisions about my future, without the WAS. This involves moving on with my life completely, new city, new job, new friends.

I'm with you there, too. Will be moving away at some time after D. Probably within 6 months.

And yet, I maintain the capacity for compassion (definition:Sympathetic pity).

She is confused, distraught, in pain, scared, has FOO issues erupting inside her and has been woefully misguided by at least one IC and probably MC, too, through all those secretive individual sessions she had with him (7) while we went to see him together (13). In fact, the only suspicion I ever had that there might have been an OM has been him and the oh-so-smooth manipulative, svengali-like effect he had on her and his obvious (to me) attraction to her.

Still, I have much compassion for her and her issues but they are all beyond my capacity to do anything for her except the one thing she has repeatedly asked of me since February; "Just leave me alone"

Sorry. Got carried away again, as usual. Should've put this on my thread. Maybe I'll paste it there.

But, as I started out to say, brknheart: I hear you and I understand completely.

Hang in there.
________

[Gnosis]

Hey Gman. I've been following along...

The issues I am having in my detachment process is my intellect tells me my WAS is not coming back and I am probably better off without her.

Same here.

It's time for the two of you to give your intellects the benefit of the doubt.

My emotions are telling me that I want her back and am hoping she wakes up one day and realizes what she is doing is wrong.

My emotions now tell me I don't want who she is now back. At all. And I know she will realize one day what she did was wrong. She destroyed everything family-wise and appears intent on finishing off whatever "loose ends" she's left blended-family-wise.

And this my friend is why she still has a hold on you no matter what she has done and is doing you still cling to the hope of reconciliation. Detachment is letting go. Letting go of everything. Drop the rope. Let the cards fall as they may. A healthy man would say, "I'm done. If she realizes what she's done... or not... I couldn't give a damn. It's not my problem. That's something she will have to take up with her creator in her own time."

I am at the point where I am making decisions about my future, without the WAS. This involves moving on with my life completely, new city, new job, new friends.

I'm with you there, too. Will be moving away at some time after D. Probably within 6 months.

Gman, I can't remember the "why?" to this. Sorry, it's late. I can only hope that its not because you are trying to avoid bumping into her and think that this will resolve it. It won't. Your healing takes time and if you don't let yourself heal you will always carry the burden of it. Don't let her win by driving you away. If its for any other reason, then sure, go for it. Just be true to yourself for the real reasons why you want to move away.

And yet, I maintain the capacity for compassion (definition:Sympathetic pity).

Why do you torture yourself. Pity is pity no matter what additional label you put on it. No one wants pity.

She is confused, distraught, in pain, scared, has FOO issues erupting inside her and has been woefully misguided

And the correct way to feel about this is: "No longer my problem."

by at least one IC and probably MC, too, through all those secretive individual sessions she had with him (7) while we went to see him together (13).

Since we live in such a litigious society, have you ever thought of suing him for the emotional trauma he has inflicted? Just asking. I wouldn't have a clue on how to go about doing this.

Still, I have much compassion for her and her issues but they are all beyond my capacity to do anything for her except the one thing she has repeatedly asked of me since February; "Just leave me alone"

Hmmm... in all her confusion and WAW-speak at least she gave you some good advice. Leave her alone including in your thoughts.

The sooner you can stop thinking about her the sooner you will be able to detach. I know... I know... I REALLY DO. It's not easy. One thing I suggest is that whenever you catch yourself thinking of her is you tell yourself, "Hey, would you quit already? I'm over you. I'm free from you. That means you don't have a hold on me anymore. Buh-bye. Heeeeelllloooo tropical beach with sweet girl in white bikini bringing me a fresh coconut to drink. Now [i]that's[/] what I'm talkin' about Willis!"

I hope this kinda helps. Gotta bit off topic. Guess I'm trying to say is that you need to re-program your mind. Don't dwell on her.

[Gardener]

Gnosis,

I hope this kinda helps. Gotta bit off topic. Guess I'm trying to say is that you need to re-program your mind. Don't dwell on her.

It does help (and you're speaking to The King of getting off topic, here).
I think you may have inferred or, more likely, I may have implied some things erroneously. They merit clarifying and exploring further, if you're game (you are one of several whose counsel I take very seriously).
But not tonight. Too late, too much foruming tonight, too many cobwebs on the eyes.
I'll be back to you tomorrow or over the weekend.
Thanks.

[Gardener]

Oh, and one more thing, all:
I now sign off and go to sleep with this parting announcement:

QUIT UPDATE
50 days smoke-free!

[Gnosis]

QUIT UPDATE: 50 days smoke-free!

Way to go!! That's fantastic news Gman. You know what that means dontcha? It means if you can handle that, you've got the gonads to handle anything.

I can't recall offhand, but how did you quit?

I think you may have inferred or, more likely, I may have implied some things erroneously.

• Let's explore this... what makes you think that? (Shrink speak)
• Agh! Whatever! (WAW speak)
• Huh? Whaddaya mean? {DAM speak)

It's probably me inferring deeper into something you may have implied. (Gnosis speak)

They merit clarifying and exploring further, if you're game

I'm game. Let's get it on!

you are one of several whose counsel I take very seriously

Please don't. I'm just another guy on a bulletin board. I call things as I see them. Sometimes I'm wrong, sometimes I'm right. But always am trying to help. The more info I've got to work with the better I can "figure" it out. My words ain't the gospel. With that in mind, the one problem I've found with written correspondence is communicating voice tonality. A lot of what I say could be misunderstood. When communicating with a WAW I imply, but never state, that it should always be in a Cool, Calm, Collected and Confident manner. The 4C's.

I'll be back to you tomorrow or over the weekend.

Sounds good. Let's see what seeds we can sow into your mind Mr Green Fingers.

[rockedworld]

Congrats on the 50 days smoke free!!! Woohoo!!!!