Changing Man

[Gnosis]

Hey Gman. I've been following along...

The issues I am having in my detachment process is my intellect tells me my WAS is not coming back and I am probably better off without her.

Same here.

It's time for the two of you to give your intellects the benefit of the doubt.

My emotions are telling me that I want her back and am hoping she wakes up one day and realizes what she is doing is wrong.

My emotions now tell me I don't want who she is now back. At all. And I know she will realize one day what she did was wrong. She destroyed everything family-wise and appears intent on finishing off whatever "loose ends" she's left blended-family-wise.

And this my friend is why she still has a hold on you no matter what she has done and is doing you still cling to the hope of reconciliation. Detachment is letting go. Letting go of everything. Drop the rope. Let the cards fall as they may. A healthy man would say, "I'm done. If she realizes what she's done... or not... I couldn't give a damn. It's not my problem. That's something she will have to take up with her creator in her own time."

I am at the point where I am making decisions about my future, without the WAS. This involves moving on with my life completely, new city, new job, new friends.

I'm with you there, too. Will be moving away at some time after D. Probably within 6 months.

Gman, I can't remember the "why?" to this. Sorry, it's late. I can only hope that its not because you are trying to avoid bumping into her and think that this will resolve it. It won't. Your healing takes time and if you don't let yourself heal you will always carry the burden of it. Don't let her win by driving you away. If its for any other reason, then sure, go for it. Just be true to yourself for the real reasons why you want to move away.

And yet, I maintain the capacity for compassion (definition:Sympathetic pity).

Why do you torture yourself. Pity is pity no matter what additional label you put on it. No one wants pity.

She is confused, distraught, in pain, scared, has FOO issues erupting inside her and has been woefully misguided

And the correct way to feel about this is: "No longer my problem."

by at least one IC and probably MC, too, through all those secretive individual sessions she had with him (7) while we went to see him together (13).

Since we live in such a litigious society, have you ever thought of suing him for the emotional trauma he has inflicted? Just asking. I wouldn't have a clue on how to go about doing this.

Still, I have much compassion for her and her issues but they are all beyond my capacity to do anything for her except the one thing she has repeatedly asked of me since February; "Just leave me alone"

Hmmm... in all her confusion and WAW-speak at least she gave you some good advice. Leave her alone including in your thoughts.

The sooner you can stop thinking about her the sooner you will be able to detach. I know... I know... I REALLY DO. It's not easy. One thing I suggest is that whenever you catch yourself thinking of her is you tell yourself, "Hey, would you quit already? I'm over you. I'm free from you. That means you don't have a hold on me anymore. Buh-bye. Heeeeelllloooo tropical beach with sweet girl in white bikini bringing me a fresh coconut to drink. Now [i]that's[/] what I'm talkin' about Willis!"

I hope this kinda helps. Gotta bit off topic. Guess I'm trying to say is that you need to re-program your mind. Don't dwell on her.