It's too hard sometimes

[TooLateForMe]

I've come a long way. Believe it or not. I need to put up a post-it on my laptop screen: "Is this going to help me?"

How to balance the anger and pain and love and desire? This is hard stuff. The craziness is difficult, but somehow justifies my feelings. I don't want to feel nothing, that would be worse. That would mean the last 9 years meant nothing. She can tell herself that if it makes her feel better, but it's not true. So, I'll take my crazy over the emptiness. And eventually I'll get this figured out and on the right track. It's a process.

I take some comfort that I'm not the coward I once was. I'm still here and still trying.