Thanks coach. That's what I needed to hear. There is no affair in our sitch. She thinks her life will be easier and she will be happier without me.
It might be easier for her as she lives with her mum. We were both there while we were building. It's been about 3 years. She will have it easy cause her mum picks him up from school 2 days a week, w picks him up once and I pick him up twice. Her mums gets his dinner ready when our son us with her. If she wasn't living there I think she would realise exactly how hard it would be. She wouldn't have any plans of moving out now.
W's godfather spoke to me and told me to be patient and calm. He said he knows alot of people where they thought is was all over, and they got back together. That gave me hope as well. I told him I love her and I don't want to loose her, and he said he knows, but he also knows how stubborn she is.
I don't know how to give the space while still doing as much as possible with my son, but at the same time, I want her to see how hard it will be and the effect it will have on our son.
When we talk, it is very cival, she seems content and happy that she believes it is over. I am not going to discuss divorce or what happens with our son and properties. I plan on delaying that as long as possible. I'll be telling her that I'm not ready to discuss it if she brings it up.
So, I guess I hav'nt given up yet, even though I said I had in a previous post, but w thinks I have accepted it. Is that the right impression to give her? I'm thinking yes cause then she will see everything I am doing is for me and not for her ( which it is ), but at the same time I don't want her to get used to it being over either. I will be seeing her shortly causf she us bringing me some swimming stuff for our son and she said she wanted to see the house.
As others have said its not over till the divorce papers are signed. Im in the same sitch as you Stu, H thinks grass is greener being single, but he is finding out nearly four months later its not that green, and we have no small children so hes not really being stopped doing anything, hes just doing what he could have done at home but was too lazy to do and its all supposed to be exciting cos he's doing it somewhere else!
Coach I'd appreciate you checking out my sitch if you have time, as you have experience of a non affair separation. TIA
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W 47 H 47 M 24 T 30
Once lost but now found and happily married again!
Thats true, I know it's not over until the papers are signed but it's really hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
The thing I don't get is that she still wants to pick the fittings for the house and she still wants to see it and how it is going. I don't know why? The only reason I can think of, is that wants to move into it later with her mum. It's a much bigger house than where they are now. If she plans on doing that, I'm not going to let her. The house was supposed to be our home, not for her and her mum. Maybe I'm being paranoid, I don't know. We havn't spoken about anything to do with settling on the house or visitation rights with our son.
She was supposed to pack the rest of my things last week, but hasn't yet (well, at least to the best of my knowledge). Maybe she'll do it this weekend considering I have my son on both Sat and Sun. They might be ready for me when I drop him off on Sunday. I hope not.
I know giving her space and detaching is what I should be doing, but I'm concerned that the longer it goes, the more she will believe she is happier without me.
I wish I knew where the spot in the middle was. Enough space for her to realise and not enough space for her to think she is happier. If that makes sense ? I also don't want her thinking she can't come back cause I have seemingly been happier as well.
If things don't work out, I really don't know if we can be friends. Not considering she is not even willing to try to make things work. She said nothing has changed in the last 18 months. Her dad was going through chemo and recently passed away, so I don't know how she could expect things to change between us. SHe spent most of the time with her family (going to and from hospital etc) which was fine with me. I tried to keep the house going, raising our son and working. She even told me she couldn't work on things until we moved into the house.
One other thing that bugs me, is that every time I wanted to go, she always had an excuse. Even when I wanted to take our son to a fun park. There was always something she had to do.
Since we've seperated, she been to the beach twice with our son and she went to some club lounge.
Why couldn't she do that with me ?
Sydney, Australia H: 34 W: 33 M: 11 s: 6 Asked for Divorce 12th Nov 2009
I wish I could make peace, but my mind gets the better of me. I've been reading DR which has been good, but I get caught up with what W has said to me and that it looks like our marriage was worth nothing to her. She shows no regret or emotion in telling me she wants out. Hurts like hell. I don't talk to her unless it is about the house or our son, and it's driving me nuts. I just can't seem to switch off and not think about things.
