i am so sorry for this developement. please try to remember that your wife is VERY confused right now. and she probably really does need time to think. she really has messed up her life in a big way, but the one thing both of you have to remember is that this is NOT the child's fault, so what is to be done has to be in the best interest of the child
so i would say to give her time to assimilate all that is going on in her life and just be there as a friend.
Thank you all so much for your support. I really need it right now. I have no one.
I do think she needs time. But I am afraid to give it to her in fear that she will never come back. I dont want her to go back to the OM. He is a real loser and honestly, dangerous. But I think if I give her time she will. Because she will feel he is the only one who will accept her. I think I need to let her know I will be there for her no matter what. Somehow. But I dont want to make her run from me out of shame and guilt.
I forgot to mention. I did write W a letter last night. I told her I would always be there for her. And that I forgive her, for everything. I told her I would be there as a husband and a father for her and all three kids. But I could not have OM in my life at all. I told her I could not have him around. And that I need her to be there for me also.
W called me this morning, and said that she is so sorry for everything that she has done. She doesnt want OM in her life whatsoever, that she is scared of him. She was crying so hard that she could hardly talk. She wants me to come home, she wants to be my W, and she wants to tell everybody, that this child is mine.
God answers prayers.
I know alot of people will say this is not the right thing to do. But I love my W and my family. And I believe in my heart there is a chance, and we will come out of this stronger than ever.
I know there are alot of hard feelings and emotions to deal with. But this is what I want.
Mike - you are quite a man. I'm sure you know by now that it's not the sperm donor that makes the father. As to things to watch out for - gosh, pretty different from my sitch, but here goes ..... - it can take longer than you think for them to complete the process of breaking all ties with OP. There's a sort of emotional grieving process they have to go through - not so much for that person, but for the fantasy they had about how that R was going to be. Be patient, but firm - obviously it's unnacceptable for her to have further contact with the OM, but it might take her a while to write that definitive "I don't ever want to have any more contact with you" letter. In the meantime, try to make the R with YOU the fantasy that she wanted. - Unless your W has already blabbed, I wouldn't talk with anybody about who's the bio father of this child. In most states it's still yours legally if you two are married when conceived. You might want to talk to an attorney about how to keep OM out of your lives.
In Utah I think that if the child is concieved while we are M it is legaly mine. I know if the child is born while we are M it is. D1 is legally mine.
OM is in jail right now. But W is very worried he will come after me. He is a very dangerous man. He doesnt know anything about the Pregnancy. And she is going to tell him the child is mine. That will hopefully make him leave for good.
there was once this young girl who was in a very bad relationship, and she had two kids with this man. this man was physically as well as emotionally abusive
finally, some sense got into this girl and she got far away from this guy (even tho she claimed she loved him) got a restraining order and judgement about only supervised visits with the kids
she ends up meeting this JEWEL of a man at a bowling alley, with three kids of his own. he has divorced because his wife is a LUNATIC. he has cutody of the three kids
so they meet and fall in love. low and behold, she finds out that two of this three children are not his biologically - he has chosen to raise these two as his own. and he has done a damn good job of it.
they have a child of there own now (can you say brady bunch)
why the story? it just shows you this type of man is few and far between and it takes a SPECIAL man to raise non bio children as thier own. i do believe that you are that sort of man
the time now is needed for patience, understanding and UNCONDITIONAL love. she MUST know that mike, she has to have CONFIDENCE in that fact.
and please don't be surprised if there is a bit of backsliding along the way, that is to be expected, so again, be patient
btw - this story is my niece - they are now living happily ever after
