Newcomer, want to keep my hope alive!

[Gnosis]

iwitw,

Can I ask a dumb question. I'm ignorant on this part, but what happens if you go completely broke? It looks like you're going to have to file for bankruptcy already. What happens if you lose your job too? What does the law do then? Throw you in jail? I'm talking about if you have zero income and no savings so you cannot afford to make the payments.

I'm really curious about this.

[iwantittowork]

Gnosis,

I hope to never find that out.

I do believe that if I were to just quit for no reason, they could throw me in jail.

I have always tried to do what is right for my family financially, and that's going to burn me. It's the jerks that split that are going to make it hell on earth for someone who tries to do what is right and honest.

Let me go back and accept again the wrongs that I caused in this MR, and somehow grieve that the next few years of my life are to make up for them..

[Gnosis]

IWITW, I meant no disrespect.

Its really been a question that's been at the back of my mind for a long time about how this is handled in the US. Where I'm living at the moment, you get thrown in jail for not meeting Child Support payments. Seriously. Don't ask me how they expect you to make the payments afterward when you have a criminal record... Oh well, its insane here.

It's the jerks that split that are going to make it hell on earth for someone who tries to do what is right and honest.

I hear you and agree 100%. And there's jerkesses that manipulate the system and screw the good guys over.

There must be a way for you to get a better deal. Never give up.

[iwantittowork]

Gnosis,

I didn't take any disrespect from your question. I am just a little annoyed with the whole thing, as you can tell, so my emotions had gotten the best of me in the last few posts.

Someone needs to put me up for an oscar in the 'act as if' category. During drop off of d8 to STBXW, I made sure to be cheerful, respectful, and focus on d8 and smile, hug and wish her god day, and then off on my merry way to work..

[Gnosis]

I think "annoyed" is the understatement of the year and the way you've been treated disgusts me. For the "act as if" category, I tentatively raise my hand.

Are you absolutely sure that you cannot appeal the temporary order? You also didn't answer Gardner's question about getting another attorney. The one you have doesn't sound aggressive enough. Please look into these alternatives.

[BigJohn]

IWITW,

Just catching up on your sitch and I gotta tell you, I'm pissed off about how you were treated in court. That's horse$h*t!!!! If I had the time and was independently wealthy, I'd fly out to Mass in a heartbeat and help you open up a can of wuppa$$ on these people! What a friggin screw job!

I hope you have been hitting the gym to get rid of all the stress and anger you must be feeling. Whatever happens, you can't let this crap eat you up. For what it's worth, here are my thoughts on current events in your sitch:

1. Remain skeptical. Don't accept as gospel what the court and the Ls are telling you. Independently verify that there are no work arounds, loopholes or other conventional (or unconventional) means available to you that may allow for a more reasonable amount of alimony and child support.

2. Evaluate your L. What was his level of engagement in court? Was he aggressively fighting for you or just sitting there like a useless lump of $h*t? If his performance wasn't at least an "8" on a scale of 1-10 yesterday in court, why not? Hold that guy accountable!

3. Google "Father's Rights". There are several organizations out there that have resources and coaching available at a fraction of what a D L charges. (I contacted one of these myself for additional ideas and help in my sitch.)

I've got to run for now. Hang in there. I check in later.

[iwantittowork]

I am just flat tired tonight. I have not had much energy to post, and have not even posted in some other peoples threads recently. Feeling a bit lonely as well, but that will pass, and tomorrow night I am going out with friends..

It's my SS 19th birthday today, so I called to wish him happy b-day, he's in Florida on his own now, but was good to hear his voice, and he sounded well. I am thankful for that, I know my STBXW told me that the SS's had issues with me, but I wanted to just see how he was making out on his own...

My best friend and his girlfriend had a baby today, and he was so excited. Brought back many memories of my d8 being born, and some tears for how things have gone for my family at this time. But, friend is doing well, you could tell he was excited!

Missed my d8 today, when I called she was in the shower, I told STBXW to have her call me back, but she didn't, not sure why..

BJ,

Thanks my friend, I am actually doing the things above that you mention. I understand that MA is the most stringent state now when child care/alimony are decided, so I'll need to come to acceptance. I am still waiting for the final number on the temp order, so I am trying to not live in the future. I don't know what things will look like yet, so can't make financial decisions.

Once I have those, I will meet with my L and make decisions on what I can do. I am looking at MA fathers rights groups, and information that may be able to help, and I will be evaluating my L as we go along.

[iwantittowork]

Well the temp order numbers are in, and I am getting hit pretty hard weekly. She's essentially going to get 1/2 my take home pay, but not quite in the way she wanted. This is exhausting, and I expect the process itself to be one thing of bad news after the other.

I have been ordered to pay the Marital home mortgages and utilities during the D process, and give STBXW 200 a week in support. I will be shortly underwater financially as I have to pay for my own housing and utilities as well, that puts me underwater by 1500 or so a month..

I have to take something from the fact that I will not just be handing her a big check every week hoping she makes the payments, but also couch that with the fact she gets a free place to live during these proceeding, and has 0 financial impact. I'll try and address that by knowing I am giving my d8 a quality home to live in when she is not with me.

STBXW is really just showing me her true nature, and it is really ticking me off. Talking with d8 last night, she puts the phone down for a second and I hear her ask my STBXW "Mom, can I tell dad that we got new furniture?" I can't here what STBXW tells her, but I know she says no don't tell him. I jovially told d8, so you got new furniture, and she felt like she was being put on the spot, so I made sure to tell her there's nothing wrong with that, and your not in trouble.

The new furniture doesn't bother me as much, as the fact that once again STBXW is putting my d8 in the middle of something that makes her uncomfortable, and asking her to try and hide something from me. This ticks me off, I would never do that to d8, I had to buy new furniture because I left it all at home for STBXW and d8, but would never tell d8 not to tell her mother.

I can not change STBXW behavior, but only make note if it, and how I feel about it, and then try and move on...

[SpyBunny]

Wow, I'm sorry- that's unbelievable. Keep your chin up, I don't know what else to say right now but "wow...".

Hugs-
Bunny

[iwantittowork]

Well, someone break out a 2x4 on me, if you think I am in the wrong below. Must all these D's go down as batshiat crazy people duking it out with each other?

I couldn't get over last night, and STBXW trying to get d8 to hide that she bought new furniture. I was going to just let it go, like my old 'nice guy' self.

But, called d8 tonight on regular call, but she was in shower, so STBXW answered, so I said I need to speak with you for a second. She sighs, and angrily says "What?"

I said, please don't put our d8 in a position where she thinks she needs to lie or hide stuff from me.

STBXW's answer was all over the board.

"Well, I don't want you knowing what I am doing, and using it against me." Bingo, that's her thinking in a nutshell, and I think she realize she just said and didn't want to so she quickly goes into.

"d8 wanted to know if she could make it a surprise for you.." That's a flat out lie, I was listening on the phone, and d8 asked STBXW the direct question "Can I tell dad we got new furniture"

Not to mention, how is it my d8 even has it in her mind she needs to ask Mom before asking Dad a question. That doesn't come from me, and means that is already ingrained in her. I would never tell my d8 to hide something from STBXW or that she needs to ask me something first.

Anyways, back to the STBXW about to blow up, already in progress.

So, next STBXW goes into how I shouldn't be asking d8 about what STBXW is doing. Sorry, I tell her, I have not, nor would do that, and I DO NOT WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING ANYWAYS, YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE NOW. Capitals for effect, I have been calm in my demeanor through the conversation.

She continues on about how I had been grilling d8 about what ss17 has been doing. I reply of course I was not grilling her, I was asking about something d8 had started to talk about, as ss17 had apparently gone to Georgia, so I was curious if it was for school trip or something, as it sounded interesting for him.

I realize then, that she is just deflecting, and I am getting drawn into this mess again, so I restate, calmly "look, I am just asking that you not put d8 in the position to lie or hide something from me, and this conversation is now over."

As I am about to hang up, the last words I hear are a livid STBXW. "DON'T TELL ME WHEN THE CONVERSATION IS OVER, I'LL LET YOU KNOW WHEN THE CONVERSATI...." <CLICK>

So, stbxw is livid at me. I have been afraid of this type of confrontation in our MR in the past, and making STBXW angry. I could have just let it slide, but I won't do that for my d8's sake.

Bash away with the 2x4's if you must. I can take it.